


love's looking good on you

by melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme



Series: sometimes love doesn't feel like it should [1]
Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Smut, Light BDSM, Prequel, Shameless Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:15:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 38,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27561370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme/pseuds/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme
Summary: “He’s been - well, he hasn’t exactly been... attentive lately.” She starts carefully. “I mean - I know he’s been working and all of that but - Nicola, he missed our anniversary.” She swallows the tears and shuts her eyes. “He missed our anniversary and he didn’t even know it until I told him - and he apologised, but I just - it’s only been three years and he’s already missing dates and anniversaries and - and almost everything, really.” She tries in vain to keep the tears at bay but it doesn’t work because she can feel the tears prickling at her eyelids as she admits, “and - and there’s been someone else,” she pauses, and when Nicola doesn’t respond to that she quickly continues, “I think that she - the other person - she’s trying to get Matt’s attention and Matt isn’t doing anything to stop her, and I think maybe he... wants it. Her.”
Relationships: Alex Kingston/Matt Smith
Series: sometimes love doesn't feel like it should [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2014567
Comments: 8
Kudos: 15





	1. Prologue

“There’s something wrong with you.” Nicola says.

On the rare occasion that Nicola calls, and on the even rarer occasion that Alex is available to answer it, they’ve always shared a few hours of conversation about their spouses and offsprings - more often than not to complain about them, but this time Alex hadn’t mentioned Matt or anything about their marriage even once so that Nicola wouldn’t know that her third marriage was falling apart. Evidently, she hadn’t given her sister enough credit because within ten minutes into their little chat, she’d already guessed that there was something going on. 

“No, there isn’t,” she tries, waving the statement away like it was a ridiculous notion. “How are the little ones -”

“You’re a terrible liar, sister dearest,” her sister sing songs on the other end of the line, making Alex roll her eyes.

“Honestly, can’t we have one conversation without you feeling the need to dissect every single thing that’s happening in my life?” Alex asks exasperatedly. She doesn’t want to taint the conversation with what’s happening to her marriage - a phone call with her sister is the one thing that she’s been looking forward to in her personal life, and with everything that’s happening between her and Matt, she wants her sister’s dry and sarcastic humour to get her through everything and remind her that some things never change. And even though she’d never admit it to her sister, she quite enjoys talking on the phone with her - it’s like being back in England again, surrounded by people she loves who love her back - and sometimes, if she closes her eyes and presses her phone closer to her ear, takes a sip of her tea and just listens to her sister talk, it feels like she is home.

“Oh, you’re a touchy one today aren’t you?” Her infuriating sister says jokingly, before she lets out a gasp and says, “Oh, God, it’s something to do with Matt, isn’t it?”

“What? No, I didn’t say that -” Alex hurries to steer the conversation elsewhere but Nicola isn’t having it. “Honestly, Nic - just drop it -”

“Definitely trouble in paradise then,” Nicola interrupts smartly, and Alex stifles a frustrated groan. “What, three years of marriage with the perfect man and only now he’s starting to make mistakes? Do tell.”

“It’s nothing, Nicola, can we just -” 

“Don’t even try changing the subject now, Alex, it won’t work on me. What’s he done, then? Left his socks on the floor one too many times? Forgot to put the toilet seat down? Does he expect you to cook dinner and do the dishes, that horrible man?” Nicola mocks, and Alex holds the phone away from her ear to take a deep breath, reminding herself that flying all the way to England to murder her sister just wasn’t worth the time, money or effort. “Oh wait,” she pauses, and Alex braces herself, “Has it got something to do with sex?” She lets out a dramatic gasp. “Can he not get it up?”

Alex rolls her eyes and mutters, “He’s getting it up, alright. Just last night, actually.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“He -” Alex sighs and sags against the couch, staring at the wedding photo on the mantel. “I think he doesn’t...”

“Yes, doesn’t what?” Nicola asks, waiting for an answer. 

She lets out another heavy sigh and thinks about the last few months - every single thing that’s happened between them since he’s left Who, and how he’s been acting towards her, towards Rosalyn, how he reacted to her sending semi-nudes, and how he left her to cry in the washroom while he stood, front and centre while his young, sexy costar gave the entire bar a stripper show.

“He doesn’t love me anymore,” she blurts out, her lips trembling and her eyes shut tight against the tears building.

Nicola lets out a bubble of laughter and Alex rests her head in her hands, sighing tiredly. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, Alex, the man looks at you like you’re the bloody moon.” She says in disbelief. “What’s got you thinking that way - is he not interested in bed anymore? That can’t be it, you just said that you did it yesterday -”

“No - no, sex isn’t the problem.” Alex rushes to clear her throat, but just thinking about how her entire marriage fell apart so quickly in the last few months causes tears to fall from her eyes. Her voice sounds thick with emotion as she murmurs, “I don’t know, Nic. He’s been so - so distant and he doesn’t - he doesn’t care anymore -”

The silence on the other end of the line is extremely deafening, and she holds her breath because Nicola is only quiet when she’s very upset, or very, very, angry.

“What did he do?” She asks, all teasing lost, replaced by silent, seething anger and fury, and Alex can feel it through the phone, even a million miles away from her hometown. “Alex, tell me exactly what he did. I have the entire day free today -”

“Don’t lie - you were just talking about a new cooking class -”

“Yeah, well sod the goddamn cooking class, Alex, there’re more important things in life than learning two hundred thousands ways to cook fucking beef stroganoff -”

“Okay, okay!” Alex surrenders, because once Nicola starts cursing there really isn’t any way to stop her than to let her get her own way. “There’s been a few... well, he’s done some things that I just... well, they aren’t good signs, let’s just put it that way -”

“Alexandra, you are going to tell me every single thing he did that made you think that he doesn’t love you anymore, because it must be a fat load of absolute shit for you to think that way - honestly, I was at your wedding and the last time we spoke you sounded like you were over the bloody moon, boring me with details about how happy he made you and now suddenly, after a few months, you’re telling me that he doesn’t love you?” Nicola rants, her tone full of disbelief.

“He’s been - well, he hasn’t exactly been... attentive lately.” She starts carefully. “I mean - I know he’s been working and all of that but - Nicola, he missed our anniversary.” She swallows the tears and shuts her eyes. “He missed our anniversary and he didn’t even know it until I told him - and he apologised, but I just - it’s only been three years and he’s already missing dates and anniversaries and - and almost everything, really.” She tries in vain to keep the tears at bay but it doesn’t work because she can feel the tears prickling at her eyelids as she admits, “and - and there’s been someone else,” she pauses, and when Nicola doesn’t respond to that she quickly continues, “I think that she - the other person - she’s trying to get Matt’s attention and Matt isn’t doing anything to stop her, and I think maybe he... wants it. Her.”

“Right. Okay.” Nicola sounds entirely too calm and Alex winces because she knows that her sister is just brimming with fury, and the calmness is just something she uses to appear cool and collected. “Mmhmm. Just a question - what’s the minimum penalty for vehicular manslaughter in the US? Maybe if I just... accidentally run him over with a truck then maybe I can -”

“You are not running over anyone in the US - or anywhere, Nicola.” Alex says, as sternly as she can, a reluctant grin spreading across her face at her sister’s ridiculously endearing protectiveness. 

“Do you really think he’s... doing that?” Nicola asks seriously, and Alex sobers instantly at the tone her sister is using - an odd mixture of doubt and sympathy and anger. 

“I think if he isn’t doing it now there isn’t anything stopping him from doing it in the future.” Alex says honestly.

“What about you? Why aren’t you stopping him?”

“You know why,” she says, shaking her head. “If he wants to do it, no matter how much I try to stop him, he’ll end up doing it anyway. Why bother delaying what’s inevitable? The only person who ends up hurt is me, anyway.” She sighs and continues quietly, “I think it’s time to leave, Nic. I can’t continue like this anymore.”

“Honey, if you really think that’s what best then don’t let me stop you -”

“I can sense a ‘but’ coming.”

“- but,” Nicola says, “before you leave or make any rash decisions - honey, just talk to him. Have you even tried telling him any of this - how you’re feeling and what he’s doing with that other girl?”

“I can’t,” she confesses, “I’ve tried telling him about it but I just - the words won’t come out -”

“Why not?” Nicola sounds incredulous.

“Because, Nic!” Alex snaps. “What if I tell him, ask him what the hell he’s doing and - and it’s all true? What if he’s just waiting for me to realise that he just isn’t interested anymore?”

“And you’d rather just leave with just the assumption that he’s -”

“I have to,” Alex swallows. “Because I can’t - I can’t hear him say it. He’s still - he’s my husband, Nic, and just because he’s done something like this doesn’t mean I don’t love him anymore. But I just - I can’t hear him say that he’s fallen out of love with me.”

Her voice cracks and a tear escapes her eye but she wipes it away hastily with the back of her hand, turning and burying her face into a cushion. 

“Oh honey,” Nicola says sympathetically, “What are you going to do?”

Alex swallows, and closes her eyes.

“I have to leave. Before he does.”


	2. don't go wasting your emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love me some ABBA

_FIVE YEARS EARLIER_  
  
  
The day she finally agrees to go out on a date with him, he spends two hours picking out a suit and tie for their dinner. He second-guesses every decision he makes - does she prefer Indian food or Italian? What if she doesn’t like the movie he chose for them? What if she’d prefer to just stay indoors, minimise the chances of them being seen together?  
  
He walks four doors down from his flat to pick her up for their date, pacing the hallway anxiously five minutes before eight. He doesn’t want to be late for their first outing together alone - he wants this to work.   
  
He knocks precisely when the watch on his wrist tells him that it’s eight o’clock, and waits anxiously for her to open the door. He’s already convinced that she’ll send him home, tell him that it won’t ever work between them, that she can’t ever date someone as childish and immature as him - and by the time she actually answers the door he’s convinced that she’d already talked herself out of coming with him and he’s so full of nervous energy that he blurts out, “But we haven’t even gone on our date yet!”  
  
She blinks, surprise and confusion lining her face. “What?”  
  
He blinks as well, his eyes shifting up and down her figure - she’s in a black dress and flats, her hair up and her makeup done - she looks absolutely fantastic. “Er - I - uh,” he stammers, blinking at her. He doesn’t know how to explain his outburst, so he ignores it altogether and smiles brightly at her. “Ready, Kingston?”  
  
“For you? Always, darling.” She takes his arm and he leads her out into the night.   
  
“ _Always_ , huh?” He teases, but she just laughs in reply.  
  
Flirting and dining with Alex is an experience unlike any other he’s ever had before - she doesn’t put on any sort of act for him, which he’s grateful for - he’d rather have her as she is. They share heated glances and little touches across the table the entire night, and when he finally asks for the check, their date ending all too soon, he reaches over and holds her hand in his, the warmth of her palm spreading across his skin. She gives him a charming little smile and he swears his heart skips a beat because she’s just so _enchantingly_ beautiful.

  
He gives her a smile of his own, his eyes travelling over her face and - oh yes, he could spend a lifetime looking at her like this. Candlelight suits Alex remarkably well - it illuminates her face and makes her eyes shine brighter than anything - but then again, he doubts that the woman would look terrible in any type of lighting except the darkness. He’s about to open his mouth and tell her just how beautiful she looks when she raises an eyebrow and gently tilts her head to the side, her eyes averting to something beside him.   
  
He turns his gaze and sees the waiter holding out the check, a little knowing grin on his face as Matt sheepishly lets go of Alex’s hand, blushing at being caught blatantly staring at her. He can see her smile widen in the corner of his eye as he takes out his wallet and pays for their meal.   
  
When he turns back, the smile still isn’t gone from Alex’s face. “Distracting you, am I?” She says coyly as he reaches out to grab her hand again. He draws patterns on the back of her palm with his thumb, rubbing the pad of his finger across her skin gently. She inhales sharply, biting her lip as her eyes are drawn to their linked hands.    
  
“You’re always distracting me, Alex.” He says quietly, his eyes dark as he lifts her hand and presses his lips gently to her knuckles. “Even when you don’t mean to. Always.”   
  
Something changes across her face - her smile turns more genuine somehow as a pink tinge appears on her cheeks that is very decidedly not from her makeup. Matt has always had that rare ability to make her feel so wanted, from the way he looks at her to the things he says, and all night he’s been so damn perfect that Alex is just tempted to throw caution to the wind and give him everything she has.   
  
But that’s happened once before - she has no desire to go through that again, so she reminds herself that just because he’s charming on their first date doesn’t mean anything. He gives her a small smile and very reluctantly lets go of her hand as if he can sense her hesitation.    
  
“Slowly.” He tells her softly. “As slow as you want, Alex.”   
  
The grateful smile that steals across her face warms his heart and lights up the entire room, and he’s too busy admiring her that he almost forgets that it’s time to leave. She laughs softly, a kind of warm tinkle that makes his insides turn to jelly, and he knows that when this night ends, all he’ll be able to hear is the sound of her laughter, echoing over and over again in his ears as he falls asleep in his bed tonight.    
  
The night is still young when they arrive back at their issued flats. He isn’t ready for this night to end, so he invites her to his flat. 

“Just for a movie,” he says carefully, his hands fidgeting nervously as he tries to read the expression on her face - is that apprehension or excitement? “Nothing - nothing happens if you don’t want it to.”  
  
He’s very quick to reassure her of his intentions and she can’t help the warm feeling of being safe and protected bubbling up in her chest. It’s been so long since anyone has taken into consideration what _she_ wants without her having to prompt for it and it feels so good. Even better that it’s coming from _Matt_.   
  
Given time, she could actually fall in love with this man. She smiles at the thought.  
  
“Alright.” She says softly, nodding. “Just a movie, then.”  
  
The smile that spreads across his face at her agreement almost makes her laugh, the delight and excitement at getting to spend more time with her showing very clearly on his face. He unlocks the door and invites her in, taking her coat. He tells her to settle herself on the couch and help herself to the DVD collection, giving her freedom to pick the movie they’d watch tonight as he disappears into the kitchen to collect the wine and glasses.   
  
He raises his eyebrows in surprise when she shows him what she picked for tonight.   
  
“ _Alien_?” He says, as he hands her a glass of wine. “I didn’t know you were a fan of horror movies, Kingston.”  
  
“Not so much the movie as much as the -” she pauses, tilting her head to the side. A small, coy smile appears on her face. “Well, you’ll find out soon enough.”  
  
“I will, will I?” He asks.  
  
“Oh, you _definitely_ will.” Her voice drops an octave and he doesn’t miss the sexual connotation she puts in the phrase. It makes him hot all over, and knowing that she’s going to be in the same room as him, in his _flat_ , where her perfume will surely linger long after she leaves makes him a little speechless and his mouth goes dry. He’s unable to form an articulate response. She gives him a small smirk and brings the rim of her glass to her lips, taking a small sip of the drink.   
  
She really isn’t a huge fan of horror movies, as it turns out - even though she admitted that she saw this particular movie a thousand times before, she still startles and jumps at certain parts, and at one point the suspense had been too much for her to handle to the point that she burrowed into his side and hid her face in his shoulder.   
  
He freezes a little, not quite sure what to do when she’s pressed up against his arm, curling into him like a child needing protection. He hesitantly reaches out an arm and places it around her, hugging her lightly to his side. He misses the shadow of a smile that comes across her face at the gesture.   
  
She spends the rest of the movie with her face partially hidden in his chest, her wild curls tickling his neck and chin. It’s the closest contact they’ve ever had, the most intimate they’ve ever been, and he finds himself wishing that the movie won’t ever end because that would mean having to lose Alex’s warm hands on his stomach, caressing his skin over the fabric of his shirt lightly.   
  
When the movie does end, it’s nearing midnight. He insists on walking her to her flat even though it’s only four doors away, and when she tries to protest he stubbornly puts on his shoes, looking at her pointedly. She shakes her head in defeat and lets him lead her out of his flat and into the corridor. He counts how many steps they take to her flat - exactly twenty-seven.  
  
She stops in front of the door, gesturing awkwardly. “So, this is me, then.”  
  
“Right,” he scratches his cheek, not sure what to say next. “Um - I had a lovely time, Alex, really. And uh - I’d like to take you out again, when you’re free.” He pauses, before he adds hurriedly, “But only if you want to! I mean - uh, do you want to?”  
  
“Yes.” She says simply, and he blinks a little.   
  
“Yes?” He repeats dumbly. He didn't expected her to agree so easily.   
  
“Yes,” she says again, nodding her head. “The day after tomorrow? How’s that sound?”  
  
“Great! That sounds great,” he looks down at her, barely containing his joy at having made another date with _Alex Kingston_ , and feels like he could skip down the hallway back to his room in happiness. She tilts her head up at him, raising her eyebrows and leaning in closer a little daringly, their bodies only an inch away. He doesn’t miss the message, and before he knows it, his hands are cupping her face and his mouth is slanting over hers, their hot breaths mingling together.  
  
And then he’s kissing her. He’s _kissing_ Alex Kingston. And she’s kissing him _back_.   
  
Her hands are sliding up his chest, gripping his shirt lightly as his fingers find her hair, tilting her head back - it’s slow and passionate, and she’s so happy to stay right here for the rest of the night, his lips moving so thoroughly over hers, his tongue probing hers gently. He tastes of wine and the pasta he’d eaten at the restaurant - and there’s an underlying taste of just _Matt_ , and she licks at him greedily, moaning a little into his mouth.   
  
His eyes are dark and dazed as he pulls away, his hands still in her hair. She swallows a little, her head falling back against her front door as she watches him gather his senses.   
  
A little high pitched giggle escapes his lips and as quickly as his expression had changed before, it changes again - and he looks so appalled and embarrassed at the sound he’d made that she bursts into laughter. He starts to laugh too, and suddenly they’re both laughing loudly, holding each other tight in front of her flat.   
  
When the laughter begins to die down, she can feel the awkward tension creeping back into their bodies, so she flashes a coy smile at him, reaching a hand up to rub a finger over the lipstick stain she’d left at the corner of his mouth.   
  
“You’re an excellent kisser, Matt.” She says, biting her lip a little as she turns to unlock the door to her flat.  
  
“So are you, Kingston.” His eyes shine brightly as they move over her figure. “See you tomorrow, Alex.”  
  
“And you, darling.”   
  
He’s about to turn and leave when another thought occurs to him. He spins around, and catches her just as she’s about to close the door behind her. “Hey - you never did tell me why you picked the movie.”  
  
“Oh,” she suddenly looks bashful, but then something else crosses over her face and her smile turns into a little smirk. She leans against the doorway, her head tilted to the side. “I’ve always found that a horror movie is an _excellent_ reason to get closer to your date.”  
  
She watches with amusement as realisation slowly dawns on him, and she laughs a little, pushing herself off the doorway to close the door shut behind her. He places a hand on her door and sticks his head in her flat, stopping her from disappearing inside.  
  
“You didn’t need to choose a horror movie to be able to do that, you know.” He tells her, and she shrugs, a low chuckle escaping her lips.  
  
“And where’s the fun in that, Matthew?” She inquires, raising an eyebrow and smiling at him. “Goodnight.”  
  
She shuts the door before he has the chance to reply. He forces himself to walk calmly even though every cell in his body is screaming at him to leap for joy, to jump and skip across the hallway, to do _something_ that allows him to physically manifest the happiness and the giddiness he’s feeling.   
  
When he collapses into bed that night, he thinks of Alex - of how _well_ their date had gone, how she chose a horror movie on purpose just so she could cuddle with him, how her lips had felt against his outside her flat - and he wishes he could just take those twenty seven steps and close the gap between them. He sighs and shakes his head, knowing full well that he’s in trouble.  
  
Somehow, he doesn’t mind that that trouble is Alex.   
  
*  
  
At the end of their fifth date, exactly three weeks after their first, Matt sends Alex to her door, hovering slightly as he places his lips to hers lightly. She deepens the kiss, letting his tongue slip past her lips and leans her back against the front door of her flat. He pushes her harder against the wood, hands coming up to cup her face as her own winds themselves around his neck, letting out a deep sigh as his tongue strokes the insides of her mouth. When they part, breathing deeper than usual, there’s a huge smile on her face and a twinkle in her eyes that he can’t place, though he can’t help but return his own bright grin.  
  
“Come in with me?” she asks hopefully, her arms still around him. Her hair is wind swept from the walk they took along the beach and her eyes are wide as she stares up at him - he loves that even though she’s in heels he still towers over her. It makes him feel like he’ll be able to protect her from anything that might harm her. She trails her index finger down his shoulder and onto the buttons on his shirt, smiling suggestively as she plays with the little piece of plastic. “I have a bottle of wine waiting to be opened.”  
  
Her palm feels hot against his chest, her fingers burning a trail of her touch as she slides her hand in between the buttons on his shirt onto his bare skin. His eyes darken as she bites her lip, her nail scratching him gently as she tilts her head.  
  
“Alright,” he concedes finally, even though the thought of saying no never crossed his mind. “Just one glass of wine.”  
  
Her smile brightens as she turns, unlocking the door and pushing past the hallway, throwing her keys down onto a bowl beside the door as she kicks off her shoes and throws her bag down onto the couch. She hurries into the kitchen, barefoot as she says, “Make yourself comfortable - I’ll fetch us the wine.”  
  
He chooses to set himself down on the couch, looking around the room as if he’s never really been there before - he hasn’t really had the opportunity to familiarise himself with her flat. He’s only ever been here on the rare occasions that Alex hosts their Team Tardis get togethers, and even then he’s always with Karen and Arthur - he’s never been alone with her in her flat before. It’s a nice change, he thinks, as he surveys the little details that Alex added to her walls and the pictures lining the corridors leading to a door that he assumes is Alex’s bedroom.   
  
He’s still examining a painting on the wall when she appears from the kitchen, a small smile appearing on her face as she watches him. He notices the lack of glasses or a bottle in her hands and frowns.  
  
“What happened to the wine?”  
  
She smiles sheepishly, walking towards him and settling herself down on the couch beside him. “Well, the thing is...” she presses her lips to his shoulder, leaning her head down on it as she snuggles into his side. “I sort of ran out a few days ago.”  
  
“Oh?” he asks, his hands playing with a few curls on her head.   
  
“Yes,” she turns her head towards him and throws a leg over his lap, straddling him. She smirks as she looks down at him, a look of surprise coming across his face as she nuzzles his neck.  
  
“I like this,” he says, his hands steadying her hips and holding her in place as she works at his neck, nipping and sucking his skin lightly. She makes a noise of agreement as he tilts his head to the side to allow her more access. She shifts her hips just _slightly_ over his and he muffles a groan into her hair, the fabric of her dress wrinkling in his hands as he tightens his grip on her hips.  
  
She continues to work at his neck, small grunts escaping his lips as she works a hand between them and to stroke the tent in his trousers delicately. His mind blanks for a second, the heat of her palm on his erection too much to handle. When his mind finally clears he manages to grasp her wrist, stopping her movements and pulling back so that he’s able to meet her eyes.  
  
“What are we doing?” he pants, breathless. 

He isn’t complaining - it’s just that they’ve never really gone farther than hot and heavy makeout sessions on his couch, his hands wandering under her shirt to stroke the bare skin of her stomach but not brave enough to go any higher than that. Their lips melding together as their tongues mingle in their mouths, stroking each other delicately as moans and sighs escape them. He’s only ever ended up shirtless once, and they’d been interrupted by a phone call from Karen before things could progress any further. He’s been pouting about it for days, leaving Karen confused and annoyed at his behaviour. Alex doesn’t seem to mind, but he doesn’t want to push her into anything if she doesn’t want it - he’s more than willing to wait, if she isn’t comfortable.   
  
“What do you think we’re doing, darling?” she asks, cocking an eyebrow at him. There’s a playful expression on her face that excites him and makes him smile, but then she leans in closer and nudges his nose with hers, taking one of his large hands in her smaller one and placing it gently over her breast. His eyes darken, staring at her, half aroused and half in awe of her. He swallows as she bites his bottom lip gently. “I’ve been wanting you to touch me for a week.”  
  
“I’ve been wanting to touch you my entire life,” he whispers back, bringing another hand up to cup her other breast over her dress gently, squeezing slightly and enjoying the gasp that escapes her mouth at the action. “But,” he pauses, his hands sliding down her sides to her thighs and pulling them more firmly around his waist. “If we’re going to do this I prefer a bed.”  
  
She lets out a high pitched squeal as he lifts her easily off the couch and carries her towards her bedroom, kicking the door open and setting her down on the bed. He pushes her back against the mattress and plants a long, passionate kiss on her lips, both their hands wandering underneath their clothing as he rocks his hips against hers, letting her feel how much he wants her.  
  
“Darling,” she sighs, as his hands wander under her dress to draw the fabric up over her head. “Hurry.”  
  
He shakes his head as he throws the dress aside, breathing in deeply. Oh, she’s _beautiful_. She isn’t even wearing any kind of special underwear, but he’s clearly underestimated the sexiness of cotton bra and panties because she’s just _gorgeous_. He can’t wait to touch her, savour her, explore every inch of her honey skin.  
  
“I’m going to take my time with you, Alex,” he says lowly, their eyes locking. He’s looking down at her, his eyes dark and full of unrestrained lust. “I want to know every inch of you.”  
  
His eyes drop between her thighs and he groans loudly at the sight of the wet patch on her cotton knickers, her arousal evident as she writhes beneath him.   
  
“Oh, you are _perfect_ ,” he groans, his fingers reaching out to stroke her over her knickers. She lets out a small moan, her head falling back harder against the bed. “Just - bloody _perfect_ , Alex.”  
  
He settles himself between her legs, leaning up to give her another kiss as he pulls the straps of her bra down her shoulders. His lips travel down her to her shoulders and to her arms as his hands travel over her sides. She arches her back off the bed, allowing him enough room to unhook the bra and toss the underwear aside carelessly, his eyes devouring the sight of her bare chest hungrily.  
  
“When I first found out I was going to work with you,” he says against her cheek, as his hands cup her breasts lightly, “All I could think about was how I was supposed to look at you without seeing every single sex scene you’ve ever done playing in my head. Just the thought of working with fucking _Moll Flanders_ gave me a hard on.”  
  
“Matt,” she sighs, as he dips his head and captures her nipple between his teeth. The thought that he’s seen her work before, that he’s fantasized about her before she even met him, makes a kind of heat rise in her, and she’s gripped with the sudden need to know if she’s as good as all of his fantasies.   
  
“And then I met you, and you’re just -” he cuts himself off, fingers gently brushing her bare skin as his mouth wanders over to her other breast. “Everything I’ve ever imagined - and _more_. You’re just - fucking perfect, sweetheart, there’s no other word for it.”  
  
“ _Honey_ ,” she whispers, her hands pulling desperately at his shirt, and he whips it over his head before he settles himself on her again. Her hands caress every inch of skin she can reach, from the smooth planes of his stomach to the little hairs on his chest. “Please, Matt, _please_ touch me.”  
  
“Patience,” he answers, but she isn’t having it - she grips a hand that’s resting on her stomach and shoves it downwards, feeling his fingers enter her knickers and stroke the skin there. Even with all his protests, he groans as he feels her wet flesh in his fingers, his automatic response to stroke her centre. “Oh _fuck_ , baby, you’re so wet.”  
  
“I’ve been thinking about this,” she whimpers as his fingers brush over her clit, “All day today, at work -” she pants when she feels the pads of his fingers enter her just slightly before he draws them out again, teasing her. “Trying to find ways to get you to just - _take_ me.”  
  
He moans at the sound of her voice, so hypnotic and breathy as his fingers work her, and he finds himself pressing kisses to her neck and her collarbone, tongue darting out to taste the sweat on her skin.   
  
“Matt, darling, please,” she pleads, her fingers curling around his shoulders as her hips lift off the bed repeatedly, seeking more of that touch he’s so determinedly denying her. “I can’t - I need you, honey, inside me - _please_. I want to feel you inside me.”  
  
He can’t deny her anything when she’s begging like that. He finds that the look on her face and the sound of her voice in his ear makes his head cloud with desire and suddenly his trousers are tighter than they’ve ever been before. Her eyes are heady with lust and every expression that crosses her face as his fingers continue to move over her makes him forget about everything, makes him want to cater to her every whim, to give her all the satisfaction she needs.   
  
Before he knows it his hands are fumbling with the buckle on his belt, pulling his trousers and boxers down in one fluid motion. She spreads her knees for him and he moans, the sudden urge to feel her all around him consuming him. He leans down above her, capturing her lips in a chaste kiss as his hands find hers and he intertwines their fingers, gives a small push of his hips and grunts as he slides inside her.   
  
“ _Oh_ ,” she gasps as he fills her, her hips arching off the bed and her face contorted in pleasure.   
  
“You’re okay?” He asks, trying to find any sign of discomfort or distress, but she shakes her head, her eyes shut tight.   
  
“Yes, honey.” She manages, panting.  
  
He drops his head, his lips resting on her forehead as he starts a slow pace - sliding out almost all the way before he pushes back in again, and the cry that she gives out with each stroke makes him more confident. He maintains their slow pace even though her nails are digging into his knuckles, her grip on him tight.   
  
She tries to quicken the pace, her hips thrusting faster underneath him but he doesn’t cave. His slow, determined strokes remains the same and soon she’s moaning and panting heavily underneath him as sweat beads on her forehead. He grunts each time he thrusts inside her, his tongue darting out to lick her sweat away.  
  
She lifts her legs, wrapping them around his waist and moaning even louder when he hits that sweet spot inside her. He groans, feeling her ankles dig into his back as she pulls him into her again and again, her eyes shut tight as heavy breaths fall from their lips. He doesn’t let go of her hands for even one moment, holding on tightly as his hips move insistently against hers, and that one gesture - their fingers locked together - feels so much more intimate than the movement of their hips.  
  
He pulls his head back to rest his forehead against hers, his eyes moving across her face - he wants to memorise everything, every microexpression that lights her features, every way she expresses her pleasure. The way her mouth falls open as she gasps for air, the way her eyes shut tight against the sensations, the way her grip tightens each time he hits that spot inside her - he never wants to forget this time, the first time they make love to each other.   
  
“Beautiful,” he whispers, his lips brushing against hers lightly. “So damn beautiful, Alex.”  
  
He continues to whisper to her as they move, and she finally resigns herself to the slow pace he’d set for them. She opens her eyes and finds him staring at her with such awe, as if he can’t quite wrap his mind around the fact that he’s actually _here_ , in her bed. She hasn't felt so treasured by a partner in so _long_ , and here Matt is, someone who wants her for more than just her body and when she finally gives in to him he treats her with such tender loving care. She hadn’t realised how much she needed this until Matt gave it to her.  
  
Their eyes lock and he gives her a soft smile, and she’s powerless but to return one of her own to him. She lifts her head, seeking out his warm lips on hers. He kisses her slowly, his tongue moving in and out of her at the same pace as his hips, and it’s all just so sensual and gentle and loving that she feels the heat pool at her core and rise unexpectedly, and she cries out against his lips as she comes.   
  
“Oh sweetheart, you are _gorgeous_.” He whispers in her ear. “Just let go, love. It’s okay, just let go.”  
  
Her toes curl and she shuts her eyes tight, her back arching as her orgasm crashes over her in waves, shuddering and collapsing onto the bed, panting breathlessly as he continues the pace of his thrusts, whispering more words of encouragement into her ear. He gives a few more thrusts and comes inside her, groaning and gasping before he falls, limply on top of her.  
  
He catches his breath and rolls off her to the side of the bed, his smile bright as he lets go of one of her hands to stroke the side of her face gently. She watches, completely lost in the tender way he’s looking at her, feeling so safe and secure even though it’s only their first time together - no one has ever treated her this way before.   
  
She sighs happily, leaning into his touch. She’s about to drift off to sleep when she feels his hand freeze on her face, and when she opens her eyes to look at him, his body is rigid with tension and his eyes are wide as he stares at her.  
  
“What’s the matter?” She asks, concerned.   
  
“I - I didn’t, I mean, _we_ didn’t...” he trails off, and she notes the fear in his voice as he asks her, “Alex, we didn’t use a condom.”  
  
He looks so nervous and worried that she almost laughs for a moment, before she realises that this may not be quite the right time to make a joke - she can tell by the way he’s frowning at her that he’s concerned that they’ve made a mistake.  
  
“I can’t get pregnant, and I’m clean.” She assures him. “And I haven’t... _been_ with anyone in a while.”  
  
“Oh, okay.” He sighs in relief. “I was just afraid that you’d... I mean, I’m clean too, and I haven’t exactly had the _time_ to - uh, you know - but I thought that maybe you would care about those kinds of things and I was just making sure, because I want you to feel comfortable and -”  
  
“Matt, honey, you did good.” She says, laying a reassuring hand on his shoulder. She tilts her head up, unable to resist the smirk that comes across her face as she drops her voice lower and whispers throatily, “ _Very_ good.”

  
“Really?” He asks, eyes wide with surprise, and she laughs, nodding and scooting over closer to him to rest her head on his chest.   
  
They lay there for a while, the sound of his heart beating and his calm breaths slowly lulling her to sleep, until she drops her hand on his thigh and feels him react immediately - and she raises her head to look at him, her eyes wide. He looks sheepish, cursing his body for reacting so readily to Alex’s touch - but really he can’t blame himself, because Alex has always been able to draw a reaction from him with just one  _ look _ \- less, if she’s wearing one of those tight-fitting dresses that wardrobe just loves to put her in.    
  
A naughty grin spreads across her face and she bites her lip, her eyes lowering before meeting his again. His gaze is dark, arousal and anticipation lining his face as he waits for her to speak and give him permission.   
  
“Ready for another round?” She asks, leaning in for a kiss.   
  
He doesn’t answer - he pushes her back onto the bed and covers her mouth with his.

*****

They’re lying in bed, arms around one another and breathing deeply, almost falling asleep. He knows he has to get up soon - they’re in her flat this time. Whenever they fall asleep together she always has this nagging thought at the back of her head that makes her uncomfortable - that maybe she should feel ashamed or embarrassed for even considering something serious with someone nearly twenty years younger than her. Which is why every time she falls asleep in his flat she wakes and leaves in the middle of the night before anyone can catch them together. Which is why she insists that he do the same when he’s in her flat, too.    
  
But he doesn’t want to this time. He wants to know what it feels like to wake up in the morning and look over and see Alex sleeping soundly, the first rays of sunlight dancing across her face. He wants to know what it feels like to have her in his arms for the entire night, wants to make sure that kissing her is the first thing he does in the morning.    
  
He knows that Alex - no matter how hard she tries to hide it - is wary. She’s alert and tense, and every time they go out in public together she looks around, as if she’s a criminal about to get caught. And it hurts, to know that the crime is  _ him _ .    
  
Because it’s only been three months, but oh  _ god _ does he want her forever. She’s just amazing - so incredibly kind and giving and so full of heart he can’t help but give her his, even if she doesn’t know it yet. He has a feeling it’s too early to tell her just how much of him is hers already.   
  
“You should leave soon,” she mumbles sleepily, her fingers curling into his shirt even tighter. He doesn’t want to go, and she doesn’t want him to go either, and as he stares at her hand in his shirt he swallows and sighs, deciding that he should be able to ask her for this - for just one morning of waking up together.   
  
“Can I please stay?” He whispers, even more softly because he isn’t sure what her reaction will be - and when she laughs and peers up at him, her eyes bright and shining, he feels a little relieved.   
  
“I’m a little worn out, darling.” She says, reaching up to card her fingers through his hair. “You were  _ very _ thorough tonight.”   
  
“I’m always thorough with you, Kingston,” he says, though the weight in his heart that had lifted is back because she misunderstood his intention. He clears his throat, still a little unsure of whether he’s doing the right thing, but he wants her to know that he’s not only with her for the sex - amazing as it is. He wants all of her. “But I meant - well, I wondered if I could just - spend the night here, you know? Just sleeping together. Nothing else.”   
  
Alex is silent for a few moments, and he knows instantly that he shouldn’t have said anything because the silence in the room is especially tense - and when she looks away and sighs he knows for sure he’s sleeping in his own bed tonight.    
  
“Matt, you know why I don’t want you to -” she starts, but she shakes her head and looks up at him, like she so desperately wants him to understand her side. “I - I don’t want anyone to see you leaving in the morning and getting the wrong idea that we’re -”   
  
“But we  _ are _ , aren’t we?” He asks, eyes wide. Because if she thinks he only wants her for sex then clearly he’s been going about their dates entirely wrong.    
  
“Yes - no, I mean - of course we are, it’s just that I -” she sighs and runs her hand down her face, shutting her eyes for a brief moment before she looks at him again. “I don’t - we haven’t talked about telling anyone that we’re seeing each other yet, and I - well, I don’t want anyone to know about us. Not yet, at least. Not until we’re - we’re very sure that this isn’t some sort of - phase or  _ fling _ for you -”

  
“For  _ me _ ?” He repeats, sitting up and looking at her incredulously. “You think that this -” he gestures between them, “- that  _ you’re _ just a  _ fling _ for me - that you’re, what? Someone for me to just sleep with when I feel like it? Jesus, Alex.”   
  
“No, that’s not what I -” she shakes her head again, eyes wide, but he interrupts her.   
  
“That’s exactly what you meant though, isn’t it?” He looks at her, his gaze hard and his eyes boring into hers, and she feels the panic rise in her chest because she doesn’t want this to end but it seems to be going exactly that way. “You think that after a while I’m just - going to - to toss you aside and - Jesus, I thought we were on the same page here.”   
  
“Are we not? On the same page?” She asks carefully, running a hand through her wild curls.    
  
“No, we’re not.” He says flatly, before he shakes his head again and looks at her carefully, with wide eyes. “Alex, I - I  _ really _ like you. As more than a friend. And it’s been three months of us going out together and I thought you knew that you - that I want  _ more _ than just sex from you.”   
  
“Darling,” she sighs, and she looks so weary and tired that he almost feels bad for starting this argument before he thinks that maybe it’s better for them to just get it all out in the open before one of them gets seriously hurt from their relationship. “I - you say that  _ now _ , but after a while everything changes - it always does, and it  _ always _ ends the same way - and before either of us gets hurt maybe this is the right way to go -”   
  
“Alex,” he inhales sharply through his nose and he sighs again, a little exasperatedly because it’s been three  _ months _ of taking her out, learning more about her every day - and even longer than that of simply trying to get her to notice him as more than a friend, and now she’s getting it all wrong and he doesn’t know what to do. “Why are you - you  _ know _ , Kingston. You know how much I like you and that I’d never  _ bother _ with dinner and candles and walks on the goddamn beach if I wanted just sex from you. You  _ know _ this, now why won’t you let yourself see what’s right in front of you?”   
  
“Dinners and candles and walks on the beach is all bloody well and good, Matthew -” she uses his full name and he rolls his eyes because she knows he hates it when she does that, “- but in the long term? Do you  _ really _ expect us to be able to keep this up?”   
  
He stares at her, long and hard. She’s looking up at him, slightly frustrated and slightly desperate for him to understand where she’s coming from, but all he sees is her own insecurities staring back at him - and he shakes his head, more determined than ever to erase them.    
  
“I want to  _ try _ , Alex.” He says quietly. “That’s what people do when they start out something new - they give it a  _ chance _ . Why are you so determined to throw us away when we’ve barely started anything?”   
  
“You’re young,” she says, even though she knows he disapproves of this reason - because it seems like an excuse and it isn’t a very good one, either. “You’re young and popular and - and you’ve  _ barely _ scratched the surface with how far you’re going to go in your career, Matt. This - us - it’s not forever, not for you, anyway. It can’t be.”   
  
“It  _ can _ .” He insists. “Just give me a chance, Alex. Please. I - I like you more than I thought was possible, you know that? You - you came into my life when I least expected it and I can’t - I can’t stop bloody thinking about you, ever. And you know what the most funny thing is? I don’t want to stop thinking about you.”   
  
He takes her hands and presses a kiss to her knuckles, and somehow even after everything they’ve done in this bed tonight the gesture feels more intimate than anything. She stares at his face as his lips brush her skin, his eyes soft and pleading as he looks at her.   
  
“Please, love,” he whispers against her skin, and she sighs and shakes her head.    
  
“I - Alright, but,” she adds quickly, and he stares at her, waiting. “I’m not - I don’t want anyone to know yet. If this gets out it’ll be all over the papers and -”   
  
“No - right, yes, okay.” He nods quickly. “That’s fair. We keep this between us for now.”   
  
“For now,” she repeats, nodding quickly. “And that includes our family and friends as well.”   
  
“Right,” he agrees calmly, though he can’t help the smile that spreads across his face. “So we are... a  _ thing _ now, aren’t we?”

  
She shakes her head and sighs, looking at him. She can’t believe she’s actually doing this again - after everything she’s been through she knows that going down this path is not going to be easy. Going down this path with _Matt_ , who is nearly twenty years younger than her makes it both easier and much more challenging at the same time - on one hand, Matt makes everything so much more easier for her. For whatever reason, he's attentive and caring and he clearly likes her and desires something more serious with her. On the other, how could she hope to keep him? He’s a rising star - every teenage girl’s current fantasy and surely, _surely_ a better offer will be on the way and soon he’ll realise that.  
  
But as he looks at her so hopefully, his eyes big and wide, waiting for an answer to his question, she knows she has to make a choice. She could give him a chance and either end up being happy with him or have her heart broken - or she could turn him down right now and regret it for the rest of her life.   
  
“Yeah,” she says finally, and he grins brightly at the confirmation. “We’re a thing now.”  
  
As he dips his head to press a kiss on her lips she sighs and lets her head fall back into the pillow, and somehow knowing that Matt wants to pursue something more serious with her doesn’t scare her as much as it did before.  
  
*  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“Happy birthday, Kingston!” He greets enthusiastically, grinning stupidly at the sound of her voice.   
  
“Didn’t miss a second, did you?” She laughs, glancing over to her clock - it’s exactly midnight, the day she was born - fifty years ago. She’s _fifty_.   
  
The thought doesn’t seem so depressing with Matt’s voice in her ear, sounding excited. It’s their first time apart since they started dating four and a half months ago - and she feels so suddenly hit by the feeling of missing him - she hadn’t expected to feel as attached as she does, but she is, and all week she’s been worrying that maybe she’s in out of her mind because _surely_ he doesn’t feel like this. But he calls daily, always at night for her - in the morning for him, and he tells her about random things that happen on set, tells her about how Steven is working them ragged with script changes, and she sighs in relief each time because it isn’t just her.  
  
“‘Course not,” he grins, and she can _feel_ it. “So what is it, Kingston - the big thirty-five?”  
  
“Oh shush, you massive flirt, you know damn well how old I am,” she laughs, shaking her head - he really is the biggest flirt she’s ever met, and perhaps that should make her more wary but every time they’re alone he looks at her with such tender devotion that she can’t help but feel like he would never hurt her that way.   
  
“Mmm, and you still look as amazing as you did twenty years ago,” he murmurs into the phone, and she laughs again.   
  
“Stop it,” she says, feeling her face heat up at the compliment.   
  
“I’m sorry I can’t give you your birthday present in person,” he whispers, and she looks over to the package, the one that was delivered just a few hours ago - it came with a note from Matt - _‘Happy birthday, love. I hope you like what I got for you.’_   
  
“Seems more like a present for you, darling.” She chuckles as she stands and opens the box, revealing red lacy lingerie - the likes of which she certainly hasn’t bothered with in _years_. He lets out a small, nervous laugh.  
  
“Can’t argue with that,” he admits, before he clears his throat and says, “but it isn’t _really_ your present - at least, it’s just a part of it, anyway. Have you put it on yet?”  
  
She raises her eyebrows. “You want me to put this on _now_? When you can’t even see it on me?”  
  
“Well, uh -” he feels his face heat up and he says quietly, his voice deep and low, “My imagination is working perfectly fine right now, Alex.”  
  
“Oh,” she bites her lip and looks down at the red lace before a smirk appears on her face. “Give me a moment, darling, I’ll call you back - I just need to put it on first.”

  
“Alright. Don’t take so long or I’ll start to miss you,” he says, and she feels a grin light up her face in spite of herself.   
  
He hangs up shortly after and she strips, all the while eyeing the lingerie set he’d so carefully picked out for her. It’s bright and bold and  _ young _ , something she wouldn’t wear in a thousand years unless she was asked to, and the fact that Matt had looked at the bra, panties and garter and decided he wanted to see  _ her _ wearing those things made her confidence boost.    
  
As she slides into the lingerie, wondering how he knew what her exact measurements were because everything fits so well, she feels sexier than she has in years. And as she catches a look of herself in the full-length mirror in the front of her wardrobe she smirks at her reflection, grabbing her phone and turning the camera on. She snaps a few pictures of herself posing in the mirror and sends them to Matt, and as she waits for his inevitable phone call she lies on the bed, adjusting herself so she’s comfortable.   
  
She waits slightly longer than anticipated - it’s nearly five minutes later before Matt is ringing her, but before she can even ask him what took so long his voice is groaning in her ear.   
  
“ _ Fucking _ hell, Alex,” he breathes, and she suppresses a pleased giggle at the sound of his voice, choked and frustrated. “I got your pictures and I - I got so distracted I almost forgot to call you back.”   
  
“Oh, darling,” she chuckles lowly, knowing exactly how much he loves it when she talks with a low timbre in her voice. “Don’t tell me you finished without me?”   
  
“No, but I got pretty damn close,” he says, and laughs before he says, “ _ God _ , do you even know what you do to me, Alex?”   
  
“Tell me, then.” She whispers, her voice seductive as her fingers trail down her body. It’s been four and a half months since she last did this to herself but with Matt on the other end of the line, whispering into her ear she knows it’ll feel even more satisfying than it did then. “Tell me what you did when you saw the pictures.”   
  
His breathing is rough and ragged at the other end of the line, and she knows instantly that they’re both doing the same thing - she can make him come with just a photo of herself in lingerie and the thought makes her more excited.    
  
“I -  _ shit _ , Alex,” he whispers, his voice just as low as hers. “I pulled my pants down and pulled my cock out because -  _ fuck _ , you look so damn sexy, sweetheart, I hope you know that. I wish I could touch you right now.”   
  
“I wish you could too,” she says, breathless, as her fingers stroke her nipple, feeling it harden under her touch. “I wish you were here right now, touching me the way you always do.”   
  
“Are you - are you touching yourself?” He asks, his voice even more choked.   
  
“Isn’t that what you wanted me to do when you called, honey?” She asks, pinching and twisting the hardened bud and letting out a small sigh.   
  
“Ye - yes, I - oh fuck,” he curses, and she smiles, liking that he can’t help but swear every time he opens his mouth, and she catches her lip between her teeth as she slides her hand further down her body, into the band of her knickers and stroking herself there. She lets out a faint gasp and hears his breath hitch at the other end of the line. “Oh yes, baby, stroke yourself just right.”   
  
“How did you -” her voice hitches and she tries again, her fingers moving slowly over herself. “How did you know that?”   
  
“You sound like that when I touch you,” he whispers, and it’s so hypnotic - his voice soothes her and excites her all at once, and she can’t do anything but whimper. “I bet you’re soaking wet, aren’t you, love? I bet your cunt is just  _ aching _ for me to fill it, hmm?”   
  
“Yes,” she whimpers, stroking faster as she feels herself wetting her new expensive knickers. She pushes the material down, letting it tangle around mid thigh as she resumes working on herself. “I wish I could just - sit on you right now, honey.”   
  
“Patience,” he says softly into the phone, and she hears him breathing deeper and deeper and  _ god _ she hasn’t done this with anyone in so long she really should be worried about being out of practice, but with Matt it feels so natural - he pulls her in until she feels like there isn’t anyway out and she succumbs to it, to his unrestrained desire for her. “When you come back next week, I’ll make sure to fuck you so, so thoroughly to make up for lost time. Twenty one days without you, Alex. Twenty one ways for me to fuck you when you get back.”   
  
“Oh, keep talking, darling,” she whispers, feeling herself get slicker and slicker the more he talks about fucking her, the more he whispers filthy words into her ear. “Tell me how you’ll fuck me when I come back.”   
  
“I’ll take you against every door in my flat,” he whispers immediately, helpless but to obey her commands. “The moment I see you - the moment you come into my flat next week, I’ll drop everything and push you up against the front door. You’ll wear a skirt and don’t bother with knickers because I’ll kiss you, and wrap your legs around my waist. And then I’ll fuck you so hard you’ll never want to leave me for this long again.”   
  
“Don’t stop,” she begs, her fingers finding her clit and rubbing it gently, flicking across it and making her moan and gasp into the air as a visual fills her head - of her wrapped around him against the door, him thrusting into her so  _ hard _ she screams with each thrust. She moans louder at that, her fingers dipping into her wet heat before slipping out again, teasing herself.   
  
“And then,” he pauses and grunts into the phone, and she lets another vision fill her mind this time - she imagines him on his bed, his hand on his cock and his head thrown back as he strokes himself, a phone to his ear on the other hand. She bites her lip to prevent the sigh from escaping her. “And then I’ll lay you down on the couch, spread your legs as wide as they can go and lick your cunt. You like that, don’t you? Tell me how much you like my tongue in your cunt, Alex.”   
  
“Oh  _ God _ , Matt!” She shouts, letting two fingers enter her as she spreads her legs further apart - like this, she can almost pretend that his head is in between her legs, his tongue darting out to lick at her wet heat. She can very clearly see the glint in his eye that he always has when his tongue is on her cunt, like he’s about to devour a very delicious meal and he can’t help but show how excited he is. “I love it, Matt, I love it when you put your tongue in my cunt.”

  
“I can almost taste you, love,” he whispers sensually down the phone, and as she strokes her walls she lets out another deep sigh, her hips arching off the bed. “You always taste so fucking _good_ \- I could eat you all day, baby.”  
  
There’s a pause where there’s nothing but groans and sighs from his end and moans and gasps from hers, and as they both listen to each other get off she feels like this is the most _adventurous_ , erotic thing she’s done in so long. She feels like with Matt, she won’t shy away from doing more to satisfy his sexual desires, and she’s determined to give him more of her this way.  
  
“Alex,” he says, his voice throaty. “Taste yourself, love. Bring those wet fingers to your mouth and help me taste your wet cunt.”  
  
She obeys instantly, slipping her fingers out of herself and closing her mouth around them, moaning throatily at the taste.   
  
“ _So_ good,” she sighs, slipping her fingers back down her body and into herself.   
  
“I know,” he says, “I could come from you sitting on my face, Alex. I’ll lick you and put my tongue in your cunt and when you come in my mouth - oh _fuck_ , it feels so good. You taste so, so good, baby.”  
  
“When I come home, you can lick me all you want,” she promises, moving her fingers in and out of herself faster. Normally she’d need more than just her fingers to come, but she finds that she could come with just his voice in her ear and nothing else. “You can spend all night with your tongue inside me, honey, I won’t stop you.”  
  
“Oh Jesus _fucking_ Christ, Alex, I will,” he moans into the phone. “But first I’ll take you to bed and I’ll fuck you every way possible. Every position possible, love.”  
  
“Matt,” she moans out, feeling her release just out of reach. “Talk to me, honey. Tell me how you’ll fuck me.”  
  
“I’ll -” he cuts himself off, grunting into the phone and she presses the phone tightly into her ear - if she closes her eyes and concentrates it feels as if he’s breathing into her ear, right beside her. “I’ll lay you down on the bed gently and kiss you slowly. I’ll pull your ankles over my shoulders and slide into you so deep, and I’ll pull one nipple into my mouth as I fuck you tenderly, gently, until you scream around me.”  
  
Well, this had taken a turn. She doesn’t mind - Matt could read a phonebook using that deep voice and she’s pretty sure she’d still come all over her sheets. She loves him sweet-talking her as much as she loves his dirty talk, and as she listens to him describing how he’ll fuck her so _slowly_ into the mattress, hitting that spot deep inside her with each thrust she feels her fingers speed up even more inside her until she lets out a gasp and shouts his name into the phone.   
  
“Sweetheart, you’re amazing,” he whispers into the phone, and she blushes. “Happy birthday, love.”  
  
“Thank you, darling,” she whispers, suddenly bashful. She realises he hasn’t finished yet, and she says, her voice still hoarse, “Need some help there, darling?”  
  
“Do you - do you need to go to sleep?” He asks, not wanting her to stay up just because of him. “If you need to - I don’t mind, I still have the photos and I can -”  
  
“Hmm,” she mumbles throatily, and he strokes himself a little harder at the sound. “Do you know what I’d _love_ to do to you once I come back, Matthew?”  
  
He’s told her numerous times before that he doesn’t like anyone calling him by his full name - it reminds him of his mum, and with the relationship that he has with Alex he doesn’t want to make things weird between them. But oh, when she says his name like that, in that throaty voice that drips of sex and seduction, all he wants is to hear her say it again and again and again.   
  
“Tell me.”  
  
“How do you feel about roleplay?” She asks, and when she hears his breath hitch she knows she’s got nothing to fear - Matt is as adventurous and eager in the bedroom as he is outside of it, and he’s always looking for new positions for them to try - just for fun, because he _loves_ spending time with her in the bedroom.   
  
“What did you have in mind?” He asks, a little curiosity edging up in him. Alex is more of a willing participant in their games, never one to introduce new things to their sex life because she already knows what she likes and what she doesn’t - so when she’s actually suggesting something new he can’t help but feel the excitement wash over him.  
  
“Tell me, Matthew,” she smirks and whispers down the phone, “have you ever been dominated by a woman?”  
  
His eyes fly open and he groans out loud at the words, already feeling himself on the edge of release. He manages a choked, “No.”  
  
“Would you like to be?” She asks.  
  
“ _God_ , yes, Alex,” he breathes, his hips bucking up into his hand as he applies more pressure on his cock. “Take me, use me however you like -”  
  
On the other end of the line, Alex makes a ‘tut tut’ sound and he quietens immediately.  
  
“I’m your Queen, and you should address me as such,” she says slowly, and the moan that escapes his lips tells her that he’s _so_ close to his release and just one little push is all it would take for him to go over the edge. She smirks deviously, sitting up and dropping her voice an octave just slightly as she says, in a commanding tone, “You’re my slave, and I’ll use you however I want.”  
  
“Holy _fuck_ ,” he mutters, and as his hand speeds up, his fingers moving faster up and down his shaft, his voice scratchy as he chokes out, “I’m yours, my Queen.”  
  
“Yes you are,” she keeps her voice low and commanding, listening to the sounds of him jerking off on the other end of the phone. She feels her body start to heat up again and she knows immediately then when she hangs up the phone, she’ll have to use her rabbit for the rest of the night. “Every single inch of you is mine to fuck, slave.”  
  
He throws his head back as he comes all over his hand, letting out a rugged moan of her name as she listens, catching her bottom lip between her teeth as her hands reach up to lightly touch her nipple.   
  
“You are,” he leans his head back against the headboard as he catches his breath, his voice so full of awe she feels her face heat up. “You are _magnificent_ , Alex.”  
  
“You’re not too bad yourself, darling.” She laughs.  
  
“I can’t wait for you to come back home,” he whispers into the phone, and she smiles. “I miss you.”  
  
“I miss you too,” She whispers back, like it’s a sacred secret between the both of them.   
  
She can’t quite believe that she’s falling for someone almost half her age, but it certainly seems to be looking that way. The thought of going back to England - back to _Matt_ \- fills her with so much more excitement than it used to and she can’t help but feel like she’s getting attached all too fast. She’s been down this road before, and she has to slow down or she’ll crash.   
  
But the way Matt talks to her on the phone, the tender way he says he misses her, makes her feel like it’s okay to fall quickly. Just in case, though, she’ll keep her heart close to her chest and not on her sleeve this time.   
  
It’s their first time apart since they got together and she feels that she’s handling it remarkably well, but still missing him is a constant ache. Listening to him on the phone makes everything easier somehow - and now that they’re doing other things on the phone she knows that the loneliness will subside eventually. Just one more week before she goes back to him.   
  
She grins. She can’t wait.


	3. don't go sharing your devotion

They have date nights whenever they can, and before they know it, they’re six months into their relationship. She smiles whenever she thinks about going to Cardiff to spend more time with him, and he showers her with so many gifts and surprises she can hardly keep count on which number he’s at.    
  
But he told her, three weeks before their half a year mark, that he wouldn’t be able to celebrate their anniversary on the day itself; he’d have to film until past midnight, and had an early call time the next day, so they compromised and decided to celebrate that weekend instead.   
  
She shows up three days earlier to surprise him. She puts on smooth jazz and waits on his couch in her heels and a coat - and nothing else. She runs her hands through her hair and unbuttons the top two buttons on her coat, giving him a view to appreciate. She smirks as she imagines the look on his face when he sees her in this. She pours herself a glass of wine and leans back on the couch.   
  
He arrives home twenty minutes later, and she smiles into the rim of her glass as she takes another sip and stands to greet him. He doesn’t notice her at first - he looks tired and worn, and she frowns a little, thinking that perhaps it's better for him to get some sleep before they do anything.   
  
She’s about to announce her presence when he turns around and catches sight of her. His shoulders lift and a wide smile spreads across his face, his eyes brightening instantly. It seems that seeing her has renewed his energy, and she smiles as she walks towards him, her heels clicking on the wooden floor.   
  
“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” he breathes, kicking off his shoes and hurrying towards her. He catches her in his arms, grinning madly as he lifts her off the floor and spins her around, her squeals echoing around the empty flat. “You came early.”   
  
“Surprise!” She says, pulling back to look at him. She traces a finger over his cheek lightly, murmuring, “I had a few days off and I wanted to see you.”   
  
“I’ve missed you, Kingston.” He smiles, burying his nose in her hair and hugging her tightly. “How do you always know what I need?”   
  
“I’ve missed you too, darling.” She whispers into his shoulder, kissing his shirt softly. “And what you need just happens to be what I need too.”   
  
He pulls her head back and presses his lips to hers gently. Moans and sighs escape their lips as her mouth opens under his, thoroughly savouring the taste of each other after six weeks apart.    
  
“God,” he breathes when their lips part, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead to hers. “I love you so much.”   
  
She freezes against him, pulling away and blinking rapidly as his words register in her mind. “What?”   
  
“Er -” his eyes widen as he realises what he said, and he smiles nervously at her. “I didn’t - I mean, I didn’t mean to say it - it just slipped out and I - er, is that - is that okay?” He asks, scratching his cheek anxiously as his eyes dart around her face. “That I said it, I mean. I know it’s only been six months, but I - I just - couldn’t help myself, I guess. And I -”   
  
“Matt,” she soothes, placing a calming hand on his cheek. “It’s okay, darling, honestly.” She hesitates, biting her lip - should she say it back? But she isn't exactly...sure. How is she supposed to react to that? Should she give her thanks? But that would be a little weird, wouldn’t it? ‘Thank you for loving me?’   
  
She opens her mouth to reply before shutting it again, still not sure what to say.   
  
“You don’t have to say it back,” he says immediately, seeing her hesitate. “Just know that it’s - that I do, absolutely, so much, and I’ll wait. As long as you need. Always.” He echoes their little promise, something they’ve been saying since she said it that very first date they had. It had become sort of like their catchphrase, this thing between them to say whenever one of them (mainly her) wasn’t sure about their relationship.    
  
She smiles and nods, swallowing slightly before she pulls him down again, giving him a small kiss before a thought occurs to her and a bubble of laughter escapes her lips.

  
“What is it?” He asks, confused.   
  
“I’m naked.” She says.   
  
“What? No you’re not, I’d have noticed - it’s kind of my job, Alex.”   
  
“It’s your job to notice if I’m naked or not?” She cocks an eyebrow at him, and he smirks, his eyes darkening.   
  
“No, it’s my job to do something about it if you were.”   
  
She licks her lips slowly, stepping back and unbuttoning her coat. She slips it off her shoulders and smirks at the look on his face.   
  
“Come and do something about it then.”   
  
*   
  
It hits her very suddenly one day, three months after their six-month anniversary, as she’s driving to her yoga class. A song is playing on the radio, and as she nods along, she realises it sounds very much the style of music Matt loves - sort of like Radiohead, a mix of rock and electronic music. She mentally takes note of the band and the song title, immediately shooting him a text as she walks out of the parking lot and into the building where her classes are.    
  
She sees a couple of friends headed her way and gives them a quick smile and wave, clicking send on her phone - and that’s when she realises, as she’s sending him a text and smiling goofily at her phone, waiting for a reply.   
  
She loves him.   
  
She freezes, her hand in mid-wave as she stares at the phone in her hand. He hasn’t replied yet, and her friends are already beckoning her over so she switches it off and puts it in the back of her mind, relaxing her stance and telling herself quickly that it’s okay, because he loves her too.   
  
After yoga class, she checks her phone again but he still hasn’t replied - and for a moment she panics, thinking that maybe she’d said something wrong in one of her previous texts. Her heart pounds and she presses the call button without thinking and holds the phone to her ear.   
  
“‘Elo?” Matt’s voice sounds tired and sleepy on the phone, and she starts guiltily.   
  
“Oh shit,” she curses, “totally forgot about the time zones, sorry darling, I’ll call you back tomorrow -”   
  
“Alex? No, no don’t go yet,” he says quickly, perking up at the sound of her voice. “Why did you call? Something wrong?”   
  
“No, it’s - it’s nothing, really. I’m sorry for disturbing your sleep, Matt.” She apologises, her voice soft and very clearly guilty, and his heart melts.   
  
“It’s alright, sweetheart.” He reassures her, and though she can’t look at his face, she can very clearly sense the smile in his voice. “Always a good time to talk to you. What was it you wanted to tell me?”   
  
“It’s just - I just wanted to -” she sighs and takes a deep breath, calming her racing heart. Her voice goes soft and she whispers, as though it’s a secret, “I love you.”   
  
There’s a pause at the other end of the line before he whispers back, “Really?”   
  
“So much, Matthew.” She pauses at the hood of her car, leaning her elbows down on it, smiling a little and feeling as though a weight has been taken off her chest.    
  
“Alex,” he breathes, and he feels like flying, like leaping through the air and kissing her senseless and - “I wish I could fly there right now and kiss you.”   
  
“Just two more weeks,” she says, even though her heart aches at the thought of spending fourteen more days apart. She just wants him close to her. “And I’ll be there with you for three whole months.”   
  
“Two weeks. I can do two weeks.” He says, sighing a little into the phone. “We really should do something about the long distance thing.”   
  
“I know.” She says. “Just a little while more, right? After Who?”   
  
“Yea.” He promises. “Just after Who. I love you, sweetheart.” There’s a pause and his voice softens, just a tender whisper escaping his lips as he continues, “Always.”   
  
She can’t help the smile that crosses her face, and she clutches the phone tightly to her ear, wishing he was here with her, or she was there with him, because being apart when she realised that she actually properly  _ loves _ him is killing her just a bit. Her heart clenches and she presses the phone into her ear, hearing his breathing slow as he waits for a reply - because there is a reply now.   
  
“I love you too, darling.” She whispers, just as soft and gentle, and she hears his breath hitch. Her heart skips a bit as he holds his breath in anticipation, wondering if she’ll continue their little saying - and hoping to God that she does. “Always.”   
  
The distance between them doesn’t seem so bad anymore.   
  
*   
  
It’s his thirtieth birthday. He  _ should _ be celebrating, but he doesn’t feel like it. He doesn’t feel like going out and drinking with Kaz and Arthur, though they’ve invited him numerous times. He doesn’t feel like going to a club or dancing with anyone. He doesn’t feel like going to parties, or talking to anyone, or seeing anyone. He doesn’t feel like doing anything, really - he just wants to go home and drink some beer, watch some footie and hopefully have a midnight call with Alex on the phone.    
  
Alex. They’ve both been so terribly busy, with her preparing for several guest roles in America while he was stationed back here in the UK, and they barely had time to say a word to each other because of the time zones and their crazy schedules. Every day they call each other at least once - but their calls always last less than a minute. Once, he’d called her while on break, and she answered with a rushed  _ hello _ , a quick  _ I love you _ and a  _ honey, I really can’t talk right now but I’ll call you back tomorrow, alright? _ before she hung up again - that call had lasted exactly eight seconds.    
  
God, he misses her. He misses every single inch of her - it’s been an entire month since he’s seen her, felt her beneath his fingers, kissed her senseless with his lips. A month too long since he’s gone without her. How he wishes that all this distance between them could just disappear.    
  
So that’s how Karen found him - on the floor, back against the sofa, a bottle of beer in one hand and a remote control in the other, flicking through the TV channels in his Cardiff flat while he waited for a phone call from his girlfriend, whom he was missing very, very much.    
  
“Are you moping again?” She asks, entering his flat without so much a hello - or anything really. He looks over at his redheaded friend, noticing how she’s all dressed up in a little black dress and heels on her feet, and he shakes his head before she has the opportunity to say anything else.   
  
“I’m not going, Kaz.” He says, taking another swig of his beer - this is the worst birthday he’s ever had and he just doesn’t want to spend it with anyone. The only chance of this birthday looking up even remotely is when Alex calls, and even then he isn’t sure that she’ll be able to stay on the phone for more than two seconds.    
  
“Listen, Smithers,” Karen folds her arms and leans her weight on one leg, fixing him with a stern look as she taps her foot impatiently against the marble floors. “You’re going out tonight. I don’t care if I have to get Arthur in here to drag you out, I will. Now, it’s your choice - entirely your choice -”   
  
“Then I choose not to go.”   
  
“You don’t have a  _ choice _ on that, stupidface!” She says, rolling her eyes.    
  
“But you just said I had a choice!” He protested.   
  
“You didn’t let me finish - you have a choice on if you want to go out looking like that,” she looks pointedly at his beer-stained t-shirt and bermuda shorts, scrunching her nose in distaste, “or if you want to change. You have fifteen minutes. If you’re not off the couch and dressed by then, Arthur has a stretcher ready for you.”   
  
“He has a  _ what _ ready for me?” He shouts at her retreating back.    
  
“You heard me!” She shouts back, just as the door slams shut behind her.    
  
He sighs and slumps back down against his couch, running a tired hand over his face - he wonders if it’s worth the drama and the mayhem that will undoubtedly happen if he just stubbornly refuses to go to whatever place they’re taking him to, but he quickly dismisses the idea because the thought of being carried in a stretcher by Arthur Darvill and Karen Gillan is something very much unpleasant, and he wouldn’t put it past his friends to really have a stretcher on the ready just in case he refused.    
  
Feeling resigned and defeated, he pushes himself off the floor and makes his way to his bedroom to change. He picks out casual clothing - if pictures appear online then he doesn’t want Alex to think that he’s actually having a good time without her - and clears the beer off the couch. His flat isn’t particularly neat, but he’s never been one to tidy up after himself anyway - and what with all the early call times and late night shoots, he’s barely had the time to sleep more than a few winks, let alone clean up his flat.    
  
He looks around for anything he needs, checks his pockets for his phone and his wallet, and leaves the flat - it’s better if he just shows up on Karen’s door instead of having her march all the way down the hallway to his.   
  
He’s pleasantly surprised when they take him to a nearby pub to celebrate, with only the two of them for company - he’d been expecting a loud club, one where he’d have to shout at the bartender to order his drinks and he really isn’t in the mood for that now.    
  
Arthur and Karen chat up a storm, but he isn’t really listening to their conversation - no matter how many times he tells himself that Alex is probably on set now, since it’s in the afternoon in LA - it doesn’t matter, because he can’t help himself from stealing glances at his phone every few seconds. Arthur is clearly onto him, because he stops mid-conversation with Karen and asks, very bluntly, “Are you expecting a phone call from Alex?”   
  
“What?” Matt laughs nervously. “Alex? No, no - she’s busy, last I heard - I um, I’m expecting a call from uh - from Laura, yeah - she - she hasn’t called me at all today.” Laura was always the first one to call him and wish him happy birthday and he feels a little bad that he’s throwing his sister under the bus to keep his relationship with Alex under wraps.    
  
Karen and Arthur exchange a look, before bursting out laughing.   
  
“Oh, you’re a terrible liar, Smithdawg!” Karen guffaws, smacking a hand against the table. “Your  _ face _ \- ‘oh, I’m expecting a call from my sister’ - oh  _ please _ , no one ever anticipates a call from their  _ sister _ so much that they ignore  _ everyone _ around them.”   
  
“What? I haven’t been -” but he has. From the days leading up to his birthday (and quite a few before that, to be honest) he’s been so miserable about having to spend his first birthday  _ with _ Alex  _ without _ her that he hasn’t really thought about anything else, let alone about Karen and Arthur. “Oh.” He grins apologetically at them, scratching his cheek. “Sorry about that.”   
  
“No worries.” Arthur waves his apology away, before he raises his glass to his lips and looks at Matt with a smug look in his eye.   
  
“Wait,” Matt narrows his eyes suspiciously at the pair in front of him. “What do you mean, ‘I’m a terrible liar’?”   
  
“You’re not waiting on a call from your sister, mate, stop lying to us.” Arthur says, putting down his glass again. Arthur leans over the table, looking Matt straight in the eye. Matt frowns and looks away, feeling uncomfortable with the sudden scrutiny with which they’re both looking at him, and takes a swig of beer. “You’re waiting on Alex, aren’t you?”   
  
Matt almost spits out his sip of beer. He coughs and splutters, chokes and gasps until he finally swallows the liquid in his mouth long enough to find his co-stars chortling heartily at him. He swipes his hand at the side of his mouth.   
  
“Very funny,” he says, unamused.    
  
“Yes, we thought so too.” Laughs Karen, and Matt rolls his eyes at them.   
  
“No, but seriously.” Arthur says, adopting a more sombre expression as he fixes Matt with a look that Matt has never seen before. “Alex told us that you guys were seeing each other - and we can’t say we’re surprised, but we -”   
  
“She  _ what _ ?”    
  
“She told us. About you and her.” Karen says, a bright smile on her face. “And we’re really happy for you guys - honestly, truly happy for you.”   
  
“I sense a ‘but’ coming.”    
  
“We were wondering - well, Alex is...” Karen frowns, trying to find the right word to put it delicately, but Arthur finds it before she does.   
  
“She’s been hurt by men before,” Arthur says seriously, and Matt is finally able to place the expression on his face - it’s a little concern -  _ fatherly _ concern and Matt thinks that maybe he’s treating his role in the show a little too seriously. “And we can’t have you added to that list, mate.”   
  
Karen nods in agreement and Matt frowns.   
  
“I won’t,” he tells them. “I -” he cuts off, and looks at them with the most sincere gaze he can muster, the one he normally uses for Alex. He thinks of her, her smile and her laugh and everything about her, and he can’t help the little grin that crosses his lips as he tells them, “She’s the most amazing person I’ve ever known. I won’t hurt her, not if I can help it. I  _ do _ love her, you know.”   
  
“You do?” Karen asks. “Wha - how long have you been together?”   
  
“Nine months next week.”   
  
“ _ Nine _ ? Blimey - nine  _ bloody _ months he’s managed to keep this from us,” Arthur turns from Matt to Karen, eyes wide and pointing an accusatory finger at the man across from him. “Can you believe this little -”   
  
“Hey! No calling me names on my birthday, hasn’t anyone taught you any manners, Darvill?” Matt jokes, making Arthur roll his eyes and mutter softly under his breath, “Little shit.”   
  
“I can’t believe Alex said yes to dating you,” Karen says, tilting her head to the side before a small smile comes across her face and she asks, “How’s the sex?”   
  
“I am  _ not _ answering that - what kind of question is that?” Matt asks, bewildered.    
  
“No, no - you’re right, sorry.” Karen raises her hands in apology, taking another sip of her drink before she adds, “I should probably ask Alex about  _ you _ \- dumb of me to think that Alex Kingston could be anything other than spectacular in bed.”   
  
Matt shakes his head and pointedly ignores her remark, taking a sip of his beer as coolly as he can even though his face is bright red and he can feel his ears burning as his friends look at him with a smirk.   
  
“I still can’t believe she told you about us,” he mutters into his bottle.   
  
“Consider this her gift to you,” Arthur says. “She was really disappointed that she wouldn’t be able to be here for your birthday and she knew you were just going to mope around your flat, so she told us to take you out.”   
  
Matt shakes his head, a fond smile spreading across his face. “She’s always surprising me.”   
  
At that, Arthur lets out a chuckle while Karen raises her eyebrows and tilts her head to the side, “Oh, we know.”    
  
Matt narrows his eyes suspiciously and is about to question Karen on that statement when Arthur very coincidentally points out that the pool table is free and takes Karen’s hand, leaving Matt to trail behind them slightly. He watches as Arthur whispers into the redhead’s ear a little sternly, and Matt wonders what the hell is going on, but the minute they reach the pool table Arthur shoves a cue stick into his hands and the question dies on his lips - Arthur and Karen are always very competitive players when it comes to pool, and Matt finds himself stuck in the middle of a very entertaining sibling rivalry.   
  
They spend a good two hours playing at the pool table, Karen managing to seduce and entice several other strangers into joining in with them, and by the time the night ends Matt is extremely ready for his phone call with Alex - alone. He just wants to lie in his bed and listen to her voice in his ear - and if she starts going low and throaty, then well - it’s only a bonus for him.   
  
He tells Arthur and Karen that he’s going back, and that they should stay a while if they want to - he just wants to be sure that he’s in a quiet place when Alex calls. Arthur smirks and Karen scrunches her nose up in disgust, but still they tell him to say their hellos to Alex when she calls and bids him goodbye.   
  
The walk back to his flat is refreshing but just a little chilly, and he can’t help but toy with his phone in his hands, checking if there are any missed calls or text messages, and when he’s done with that he simply dials Alex’s number. He does that a lot these days - he presses her number into the phone and his finger hovers over the ‘call’ button, unsure whether he should actually take the first step - he always lets her call first because she’s got scripts to memorise and auditions to go to, and Salome to look after. He feels always a little intrusive whenever he calls first. But perhaps she wants him to call. Perhaps she wants him to take some initiative to call her first, and maybe she thinks that she isn’t as important to him as he is to her.   
  
The moment the thought enters his mind he feels a little panic rise in his heart. He sighs a little and does a mental calculation in his head - it should be around two in the afternoon in Los Angeles, and on the off chance that she’s working he really doesn’t want to disturb her, but maybe once she’s done and sees that she has a missed call from him then she’ll know that he’s thinking of her.    
  
He presses the ‘call’ button and hears the ringtone, and he’s preparing to leave a voicemail when Alex’s voice suddenly sounds on the phone.   
  
“Darling!” she says, and the sound of her voice makes his heart lift so much that he can’t stop the smile that spreads on his face. “Happy birthday, honey.”   
  
“Thank you,” he says into the phone.    
  
“I’m sorry I couldn’t call earlier,” she apologises. “I was busy with a few things and I -”   
  
“No, it’s okay, sweetheart, don’t worry about it.” he says. “I just wanted to hear your voice.”   
  
“Oh, darling,” she sighs a little, and he knows it’s because she’s wishing that they don’t have to be halfway across the world from each other. “I miss you too.”   
  
They chat for more than a minute this time - almost fifteen minutes, and when he asks if she’s needed back on set she just laughs and tells him that she isn’t going to be needed back there for quite a while, and that she has all the time in the world to talk on the phone with him. Something about the way she phrases her answers makes his heart fill with excitement and hope but it’s short-lived, because there’s no way that she’ll be able to do what he’s thinking of. But that’s okay - as long as she’s available on the phone with him, he’ll take her in any way he can.   
  
Time flies when he’s talking to her, it always does, and when he reaches his flat twenty minutes later and she says she has to leave, he pouts a little.   
  
“Alex,” he says softly, and she hums. “I - we really should do something about the long distance thing,” he ruffles his hand through his hair and sighs. “It’s - it’s been so long, love. Too long without you.”   
  
“I know, Matt.” she says, and the little tired sigh that escapes her mouth at that makes his heart ache just a little more. “But I can’t leave LA, and  _ you _ can’t leave Cardiff because of Who. It’s just for a little while longer, honey. Don’t give up just yet, hmm?”   
  
“Never.” He promises, as he slips his key into the lock and enters his flat.    
  
“Good. Because it really is for just a little while longer,” her voice is in his ear and yet in the air around him, and as he swivels around, his eyes finally catching hers, he feels himself drop everything and moving towards her instantly, the brightest smile lighting up his face.   
  
“Alex, you’re -” he doesn’t give himself time to finish as he presses his lips to hers urgently, swallowing her little exclamation of surprise as he wraps his arms around her middle and lifts her off her feet. He doesn’t let go as he kisses her thoroughly, moans and sighs escaping their lips as she winds her fingers through his hair, holding his head to hers. “You’re back,” he gasps and pants breathlessly when they finally pull apart.    
  
“I am. Surprise!” she laughs, before she looks down pointedly. “Darling, you can put me down now.”   
  
“Right, right, sorry, I’m just -” he puts her down gently on her feet again, and she buries her face in his chest and breathes him in deeply. “I’m so happy you’re here, Alex.”   
  
“Happy birthday, darling.” She says again, and he smiles.   
  
“Best present ever.” He whispers as he hugs her tighter, burying his nose in her curls and inhaling deeply.    
  
“Not just yet, honey,” she spins out of his arms the first chance she gets and fixes him with a naughty look. “I’ve yet to give you your  _ real _ birthday present.”   
  
“Oh?” Is the only thing that escapes his lips as he follows her into his bedroom, his eyes fixed on the seductive sway of her hips and the enticing look in her eyes that’s just downright hypnotic.    
  
“No peeking,” she warns, as she turns and slips into the bathroom. “Why don’t you be a good boy and wait for me on the bed?”   
  
“Okay,” he says, his throat hoarse.    
  
The possibilities of what she’s doing in the bathroom - what she’s putting on or taking off - races across his mind and the very thought of it makes his head cloud over with lust as he drops onto the bed, his eyes fixed on the door of the bathroom. He swallows and waits patiently, vivid images of her in various states of undress zooming across his mind and before he knows it, a tent appears in his trousers.    
  
She slips out of the bathroom in nothing but a short silk red robe that does nothing to hide her figure, the knot tied lazily at her waist. She moves with feline grace as she approaches him, her eyes flickering down to his trousers and smirking at the clear tent there as she finally comes within reach of him, and she lets his hands curve around her hip and pull her down, catching a whiff of her perfume.   
  
She settles herself daintily across his lap and makes sure to rub her very bare core against him, making him groan as he looks up at her with such lust and desire. He just stares up at her in awe for a moment, his eyes roaming around her face and down her body as if he can’t decide which part of her is the best to look at, before his eyes travel up again and finds hers.   
  
“Tonight, you can do whatever you want,” she whispers, her voice low and throaty as she leans down and bends her head, pressing small kisses up his neck and whispering in his ear, “You can have me, whichever way you want.”   
  
“ _ Alex _ ,” he groans, as her hips begin the subtle movement of rubbing against his trousers. She sighs in pleasure, rocking her hips back and forth, and his own hands start to tighten at her hips, holding her in place. “You’re so fucking sexy, love.”   
  
He pulls back, his eyes darkening as he asks for confirmation, “Whichever way, Alex?”   
  
She looks him straight in the eye and leans forward, her lips brushing his as she whispers, “Yes.”   
  
“Fuck,” he says softly. A myriad of possibilities race through his head before he finally settles on one, and the very thought of controlling her in the bedroom makes him want to come in his trousers like a teenager. His voice goes low and demanding as he instructs her, “Lie down on the bed.”   
  
Her eyes darken at his commanding tone and he smirks - somehow he knows that Alex wouldn’t mind if he took control in the bedroom once in a while. They’ve only ever experimented with power play once - that first time after another long separation, and she’d played the domme on that occasion. She hadn’t complained, and he’d been too caught up in the post-coital haze to ask her if she wanted  _ him _ to play the dom once in a while, and after that the subject was somehow forgotten.    
  
“Good girl,” he praises, when she follows his instructions without any protests. “When I fuck you tonight, when I make you come again and again and again,” he starts, moving over the bed and settling himself above her, watching as she tilts her head with interest. “You’re to say ‘thank you’, understand?”   
  
“Yes.”   
  
“And when you speak to me,” he continues, his low voice igniting a fire in her stomach that spreads and spreads until her toes are curling in anticipation, “You’re to call me ‘Sir’, or ‘Master’, understand?”   
  
“Yes,” she licks her lips, holding his dark gaze with her own as she breathes out the title, “Master.”   
  
“You’re a good girl, aren’t you?” He whispers, tracing a finger across her cheek. “You’ll do anything to make me happy, won’t you?”   
  
“Yes,” she whimpers as he drags his finger down her body, his nail scraping against the silk material of her robe and over her hard nipple, down her stomach and in between her legs. “Please let me make you happy, Master.”   
  
“Oh, you will,” he says, his hand travelling up again to untie the loose knot that’s holding her robe together, tugging at the cloth with his fingers and letting the robe fall open to expose her bare skin. He bites his lip as his eyes roam hungrily over every inch of her, taking in the sight of her breasts and her smooth stomach and the wetness between her thighs, her honey skin every inch as hypnotising as it was when he first made love to her almost eight months ago. “Tell me how you pleasure yourself without me.”   
  
“I -” her breath hitches as he slides down her body, his hands sliding behind her knees and bending her legs, parting them as far as they can go and opening her up to him. “When we have those calls -”   
  
“No,” he says, lifting his head and meeting her eyes sternly. “I know about those. I want you to tell me what happens when I put down the phone. When I haven’t spoken to you in ages.” His eyes flicker down to her core, his gaze remaining on the heated flesh as he asks her, “Tell me, Alex - have you been a naughty little slut?” Her eyes darken at the name and he smirks - my, my, she is a naughty one, his Alex. “Have you been using your fingers, your rabbit - anything you can find while you think of me, fucking you so hard?”   
  
He watches as she swallows, her breath hitching as her hands reach out to grasp at sheets, her eyes fixed on him as she whispers, “Yes.”   
  
“Tell me what you think of, slut.” His tongue darts out to lick the length of her folds and she shudders, one of her hands letting go of the sheets to grasp at her hair as her hips lift off the bed.   
  
“You,” she gasps breathlessly. “Fucking me from behind in the bathroom, slamming our hips together again and again as you make me watch myself come in the mirror.”   
  
“Mmm,” he hums in approval, rewarding her with another long lick even as his cock swells more at the thought. “Keep talking.”   
  
“I -” she lets out a rough moan as he surges forward, arms on her hips to keep them from moving as his tongue moves around folds, collecting whatever bit of her wetness he can find. He’s always loved going down on her, from the very first time he’d done it - he can’t get enough of how she tastes. “When I suck your cock. When you grip my hair and put your cock in my mouth and start fucking my face, I - oh,  _ yes _ \- I think about that so often, Master, but it doesn’t feel  _ right _ when I put my rabbit in my mouth. It doesn’t taste like you - it tastes like me.”   
  
“Oh, Alex,” he whispers into her core, licking his lips off her juices. “I will come in your mouth tonight, if you want. But,” he flicks a finger over her clit and smirks with satisfaction when her hand in her hair tightens and she lets out a strangled moan, “You’ll have to beg for it, like a slut.”   
  
“Master,  _ please _ , I -”   
  
“Not yet, Alex.” He licks over her once more and she whimpers, “First, I need you to come in my mouth. I’ve missed how you taste. Can you do that for me, Alex? Can you come in my mouth?”   
  
“Yes, Master.” Oh, she’s pretty sure that she can come right now if he asks her to, but she holds herself back, wanting to feel the pleasant sensation of his tongue moving inside her.   
  
“You’re such a good slut, Alex,” he praises before his head disappears in between her legs and his tongue slips in her centre.    
  
“Oh,  _ yes _ !” She shouts, her back arching as he works his tongue in and out of her. After months of having just her fingers and her rabbit for company his tongue is a very welcome, very blessed change and she knows it won’t take very long at all for him to make her come, especially after all that foreplay. She moans and shouts into the air, panting and gasping as he thrusts his tongue in and out of her, burying his face in her wet heat as his nose nudges at her clit. “Oh that feels so  _ good _ , M-Master, oh don’t  _ stop _ , please!”   
  
He keeps going, his mind hazy with lust and his tongue bursting with her flavour, her shouts and screams fading into the background as he thrusts his face even deeper into her core, desperate to make her come on his tongue. It doesn’t take much longer than a few minutes. She's already wound up tight and with him thrusting urgently into her she floods his mouth as her back arcs into the air, a ragged scream tearing at her throat as she comes.    
  
Her back collapses onto the bed and she pants, her chest heaving as she watches him cleaning her up, licking whatever’s left of her juices on her and licking his lips.   
  
“Thank you,” she says breathlessly, as he lifts his head to look at her. “Master.”   
  
“You’re welcome,” he whispers, pressing a tender kiss to her thigh as he lifts himself off the bed and starts undressing himself, knowing that her eyes are on him. “I’ll let you choose this time, Alex. What do you want? Do you want me to fuck your cunt or your face?”   
  
“I -” she stops, licking her dry lips as she stares at him. He really can’t expect her to choose, can he? “Whatever makes you happier, Master.”   
  
“You know I  _ love _ to fuck you, Alex.” He says, unbuckling his belt and undoing the button on his trousers. “I’d be happy fucking any part of you.”   
  
She stares at him as he starts unbuttoning his shirt, shrugging it off his shoulders and tossing it aside, quickly pushing his trousers and pants down at once - and just like that she’s seeing him naked for the first time in a month, and god _ damn _ if she doesn’t salivate at the sight of him.   
  
“Both,” she whispers, as he climbs over her. He looks at her in surprise and she sits up, her hands caressing his chest and stomach as she presses her lips to his shoulder, her tongue darting out to taste his sweat. “Fuck my mouth and my cunt, Master, fuck me however.”   
  
He growls, low and domineering as he grips her hips and turns her around, her back towards him. He pushes her down on all fours and kneels behind her, spreading her knees as he takes himself in hand and positions his tip at her entrance.    
  
“You’re to make as much noise as you want,” he leans over her back to whisper in her ear. “You’re to scream and shout as loud as you want, you understand? You’re not allowed to hold back. I want to hear how good I make you feel.”   
  
She bites her lip, looking over her shoulder. “Yes, Master.”   
  
“Good girl,” he grasps her hips again and pushes his way inside her, gasping at how wet and ready she feels around him. “You’re a  _ very _ good girl today, Alex.”   
  
She gasps as he fills her, feeling how thick and hard he is. God, it’s been too long since they’ve last done this. It’s been too long since she felt him inside her, and she wants so  _ badly _ to be fucked so hard - exactly how he’s been promising in those calls they’ve had, and she doesn’t want to be able to feel her legs tomorrow.    
  
She’s so glad that they’re on the same page - she’d been a little worried that Matt would go for the tender, loving and gentle route - which she loves just as much, but it isn’t what she wants. After an entire month with just her fingers and her rabbit on lonely nights in her hotel room what she wants is a good, hard fuck - and Matt just so happens to be hellbent on giving her just that.   
  
“Do you know how  _ good _ you feel around me, Alex?” He whispers, as he pulls back slowly. “You feel so wet and tight, like you haven’t had a good fuck in  _ months _ and you need me to give it to you.”   
  
“Yes,” she sighs, arching her back. “Fuck me so good, Master. Fuck me until I can’t walk.”   
  
“I will,” he says, slamming back inside her and making her gasp in surprise and pleasure. “Tonight I’m going to fuck you so hard you’ll be thinking about nothing else but my cock inside you for  _ weeks _ .”   
  
He starts a hard, fast rhythm, grunting and groaning as he pounds into her just the way she likes - rough and fast and  _ hard _ , making her scream with every thrust. His hands pull her hips back with each thrust, tugging hard as he thrusts forward, the sound of their flesh connecting mingling with the sounds escaping their lips and he’s sure that they’re both being way too loud but he can’t bring himself to care because he’s  _ finally _ inside her.   
  
He’s fucking her exactly the way she’s been wanting him to, not giving a damn about anything else as he slams their hips together forcefully, and it feels so  _ perfect _ that she screams mindlessly with pleasure, begging him to  _ fuck me just like that Master, oh yes, don’t fucking stop. _ She presses her cheek to the bed and shouts hoarsely at how deep he reaches inside her, and as she clenches around him she feels him pounding harder and harder, thrusting deeper and deeper like he can’t get enough of her tight wet heat.    
  
“Such a good slut,” he gasps as he thrusts, his hips stuttering and losing rhythm already. He doesn’t know how long they’ve been fucking like this but he doesn’t want to stop, and even as he feels his orgasm approaching he thinks about how good she feels all around him and he doesn’t ever want to leave her clenching heat. “You make such a good little slut, baby, so fucking good.”   
  
She feels his words, uttered in that low, hoarse growl of his, deep in the pit of her stomach, and as she presses her forehead into the bed and moans louder and louder she knows that this is about to end soon - but she holds on tightly, not ready to let go of the feeling of him sliding in and out of her like his life depends on it. She holds off her orgasm for as long as she can, shouting incoherently at him to fuck her harder and faster, and as they bounce on the bed she feels one of his hands leave her hips to reach around her legs, finding the sensitive nub in between her thighs and pinching roughly, and just like that, she isn’t able to hold back anymore.   
  
She arches her back, throws her head back towards him and  _ screams _ , loud and shrill as it echoes around the room, bouncing off the walls. He gives a few hard thrusts and comes with a shout of her name that’s loud enough to rival hers, and he goes down on his knees, lightheaded with pleasure as he slips out of her.   
  
She turns around, panting heavily and looking at him through heavy-lidded eyes, a smile lighting up her face. He watches as she lays on her side, her front toward him as she regards him with a small pout as she says, “You said you’d let me taste you.”   
  
He raises an eyebrow and immediately starts towards her, crawling on his hands and knees over her. Her body is sweat slicked and her hips are already bearing the beginnings of several bruises, and he smirks as he tugs her thighs apart. He lets two fingers dip in her heat, feeling the mixture of their juices there and scooping up some of the mixture, bringing his fingers to her mouth.   
  
“Open,” he says softly, and she obeys, her tongue sliding around his digits and tasting their combined juices. She moans around his fingers, keeping eye contact as her tongue swirls around his flesh, collecting up every drop and ensuring that there isn’t a single taste that she misses. “How did that taste?”   
  
She releases his fingers with a pop and sits up, looking up at him through her lashes. “Delicious,” she breathes the word out, and he feels his cock stir again just at the sound of her voice like that. “But I want to taste  _ just _ you, Master. I want to remember what you taste like when you come in my mouth.”   
  
“ _ Alex _ ,” he groans, his cock twitching. She smirks with innocent eyes as she looks up at him. She isn’t going to let him get away without getting what she wants, so he decides to make the best of his role. “If you want to taste my come you’ll have to make me hard again.”   
  
She laughs, throaty and low and so, so confident he feels himself twitch just at the sound, and he knows it won’t be at all difficult for her to talk him back into a state of arousal.   
  
“But you’re not allowed to use your hands or your lips,” he whispers, laying down on the bed next to her. “If you want to taste my come, you’ll have to  _ talk _ me into it.”   
  
She raises her eyebrows and he already knows she’ll get what she wants. Alex has made him come into his own hand over and over again over the past month - and that’s with her on the phone. But now, when she’s next to him, naked and smirking and  _ sinful? _ He might as well concede right now.   
  
“And what do you want me to talk about, Master?” She scoots closer to him and places her lips right by his ear, and just the nearness of her makes his body react so readily. “Do you want me to tell you about all those times I spent in my hotel room, trying to fuck myself while thinking of you? How about I tell you about all my fantasies, hmm? Or do you want me to talk about how you feel, sliding in and out of me, fucking me so hard?”   
  
“Mmm,” he groans, turning to face her. He can already feel his cock stirring at the sound of her voice. “Fantasies. Tell me what you want me to do to you.”   
  
“So many things,” she sighs, her voice like velvet. Her hands are itching to touch him but he raises an eyebrow at her and she places them behind her back. “But the top of my list is for you to just  _ take _ me, hard and fast and so rough, make me bruise and leave marks all over my body.”   
  
“How?”    
  
“Well...” she smiles and tips her head, forgetting that she isn’t allowed to touch him. Her hands stroke and caress his chest lightly as she says, “When you’re angry at me, you don’t give a damn about what I say. You throw me on the bed, tie me up so tight, spread my legs and fuck me like you haven’t fucked a single person in  _ years _ .”   
  
Her hands trail down and brush against his abs, and she can clearly see that he’s fully erect again, smiling at the sight of it but wishing he’d just give her permission to put her mouth over him.    
  
“Do you want me to fuck you like that?” He asks, eyes wide - even when he was playing the dom he hadn’t really been very  _ physical _ with her, unsure if that was her type of thing - but clearly she enjoys being dominated, and  _ god _ he can’t wait to try everything out with this amazing woman.   
  
“Oh,  _ yes _ ,” she breathes, sounding like he’s already fucking her exactly the way she wants and he swallows, eyes focused on her, his pupils large and dark. “I want you to pull my hair and tie my wrists to the headboard. I want you to spread my legs and  _ take me _ with everything you have, fuck me like the slut that I am, in the bedroom and in our trailers and  _ everywhere _ . And when I think about that I always come so  _ hard _ around my rabbit.”   
  
Her fingers trail even lower and he captures her hand, a warning look in his eye as he warns, his voice low and dangerous, “Do you need me to tie you up now?”   
  
Her eyes widens and she feels a wave of arousal in her core but she shakes her head. “No - no, I’m sorry, Master, I’ll keep my hands to myself.”   
  
“Good girl,” he whispers. His own hand reaches down, taking himself lightly in his hand as he begins stroking gently, his eyes falling shut as he says, “Continue.”   
  
“Sometimes I think about our roleplay,” she breathes, swallowing as she watches him touch himself, watches his fingers move delicately up and down his shaft. Her eyes darken and she clenches her hands into fists, placing them behind her back as she fights the urge to touch him exactly the way she knows he likes. “Not just as a Queen and a slave, but other things too. I think about being a librarian and fucking you against the bookshelves after closing time. I think about meeting you for the first time in a pub and taking you back to my place for the night.”   
  
“Do you want to -?” He asks, his eyes shut tight as his thumb circles the tip of his cock, breathing deeply as he listens to the sound of her voice.   
  
“Maybe in - in private,” she whispers. He knows that despite everything that’s been going on between them, despite telling her that he loves her every chance that he gets, she’s still a little tetchy about others knowing about them, and roleplaying somewhere as public as a pub would probably be a bad idea. “But oh  _ honey _ , the things you do to me in my fantasies.”   
  
“Tell me more.”   
  
“I think about meeting you at the pub, all dressed up and ready for me,” she breathes, as he watches his hand slide up and down his shaft, and her fingers itch to wrap themselves around him, itch to touch him and pleasure him in anyway that she can - but he’s asking for her to please him with her voice, and she’s more than willing to give him that. “You’re sitting at the bar, waiting patiently - and when I come in you can’t help but stare.”   
  
“What are you wearing?”   
  
Her voice drops an octave and she leans in closer to him to whisper, “Whatever you want.”   
  
“Mmm,” he thinks for a moment, before he settles on a memory of her on their six-month anniversary. “Coat. Heels. Nothing else.”   
  
“Liked that, did you?” She gives a throaty laugh, humming slightly as she licks her lips. “You buy me a drink and sit next to me. You flirt; I tease - we drive each other crazy. Then,” she bites her lip and reaches for his chest, her fingers walking up his damp skin slowly as she whispers, “you take me against the bathroom door. Hard and fast. You fuck me so deep, so good that I can’t help but want more from you.”   
  
“Mmm, sounds just like you, my perfect slut,” he whispers, his voice low as he closes his eyes, and she looks down to see him slowly brushing his thumb over the tip of his cock. “You bring me back to your flat and -”   
  
“And you fuck me so thoroughly,” her fingers trail to his lips, brushing them lightly and he takes her index finger into his mouth, sucking gently as she talks. “You spend the entire night fucking me on every single surface, until all I can feel is your cock moving so deep inside me.”   
  
“Mmm,” he groans approvingly, letting her finger go with a ‘pop’ sound and leaning his head forward. His breath is coming in shallower as images of him just taking Alex in every position possible fills his head - in the shower, on the kitchen counter, on the dining table and against the bookshelves. He moans louder and lets his eyes fall shut as he imagines her legs wrapped around his waist the entire time as he moves inside her, fucking her thoroughly over and over again as she begs him to give her more.    
  
He hears her start whimpering his name, and he opens his eyes to see her on her back, her eyes closed and her mouth open. A hand is twisting her nipple, pulling and rubbing while her other hand is in between her spread legs. She’s moaning and crying out as she moves her fingers inside her and he doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything so erotic in all his life.    
  
She turns her head and looks straight at him as the hand in between her legs start moving faster and faster, and she holds his gaze as she moans.   
  
“Oh fuck,” she whispers. “Do you want to know what I’m thinking of now, Matt? I’m thinking of being all tied up for you. I’m thinking of you teasing me for hours and hours while my wrists are tied to the bed, and I’m powerless to touch either of us. I’m thinking of you making me  _ beg _ you to fuck me, and when you finally do, you take me so hard I scream until my throat goes raw.”   
  
“Fucking hell, Alex,” he groans, stroking harder now as he watches her face contort in pleasure. “You like that, don’t you? Oh, you’re such a naughty little girl, Alex. I should bend you over my knee and spank you. But you’d like that too much, won’t you? Tell me, Alex. Tell me how much you need me to spank your bare arse until it’s red.” He lowers his voice as she cries out, louder and louder until it’s the only thing that fills his ears. “My bad,  _ bad _ girl.”   
  
She comes, her back arching off the bed as she screams his name and somehow she manages to keep his gaze - and he shakes his head because  _ that _ is definitely the most erotic thing he’s ever seen. Alex’s eyes fixed on him as she comes with his name on her lips. She lays still, panting heavily before she removes the hand in between her legs and wraps her lips around her wet fingers.   
  
“ _ Fuck _ ,” he moans, and he comes all over his hand, his release coating his shaft. She licks her lips at the sight and he groans again, muttering desperately, “Come here, Alex, let me taste you -  _ fuck _ .”   
  
She scrambles to get over him, placing her thighs on either side of his head and leaning forwards. She feels his tongue dart out and lick her centre and she jerks, still sensitive from her last orgasm. She spreads out her weight on him, bracing herself on his thighs as she ducks her head to taste him.    
  
His hands move over her arse to steady her as she licks him clean, and he buries his face desperately into her core. He licks at her, his tongue curving over every crevice to lick up every trace of her release he can find. He moans as her flavour bursts on his tongue, making her whimper as she sucks gently on him.    
  
When they finally collapse on the bed, sweaty and panting and extremely satisfied, he looks over to her and tugs her closer as a smile forms on his face. He presses a kiss to her sweat-slicked forehead, brushing her wild hair out of her face as she looks over at him.   
  
“Happy birthday, darling.” She whispers, and he loves the sound of her voice after sex - her voice sounds rough and overused, like she’s spent such a long time screaming in pleasure.   
  
“You,” he starts, pressing a kiss to her cheek and her nose, “you are the  _ best _ birthday present I’ve ever had, you know that?”   
  
“Oh, am I?” She feigns ignorance, tilting her chin up at him.   
  
“Yes, you are,” he smiles, nudging her nose with his. “And I love you so much.”   
  
She softens a little, her smirk turning into a gentle smile as she closes her eyes and leans closer to him, placing her hand on his chest. “I love you too, Matt.”

*****

“You told Steven already?” She asks, tilting her head up at him.   
  
They’re at lunch together, on break while filming the Series 7 finale - The Name of The Doctor. She isn’t sure when she’ll be back on the Doctor Who set so she’s making the most of her time here, savouring the atmosphere and the friendly faces all around her.    
  
Matt has been talking about leaving Who for a while now - and yesterday he’d been sure that it was the right time for him to move on. She’d been supportive of his decision, sure that whatever he decided for himself would be the right move in the end.    
  
“Yeah, I did,” he smiles sadly, and she reaches out to take his hand. “He says he isn’t surprised, but everything should be in order for the next Doctor to come in and take my place. And uh - I hope you don’t mind, I told him about us.”   
  
“What?” She asks.   
  
“He asked... he asked if my decision had anything to do with you,” he turns over their hands and begins tracing small patterns on her skin. “And I had to tell him the truth, Alex, it’s almost been a year and you know I can’t lie to the Moff -”   
  
“No, no honey, I’m not mad,” she says, her brow furrowing. “I’m just - why would he think that you leaving Who would have anything to do with me?”   
  
“I... might’ve mentioned that it’s because I want to move to LA,” he mutters.   
  
“Matt...” she frowns, shaking her head. “Darling, your family and your life is here - why would you want to move to LA when... oh.” She trails off as realisation hits her, and when she looks at him again he’s smiling a little sheepishly at her. “Oh.” She says again.   
  
“I was hoping to wait until shooting was over to talk to you about maybe getting a place together.” He says a little hopefully, eyes bright. “I mean, we’re already practically living together whenever you’re here, so I was just thinking, you know, that it’s the next logical step.”   
  
“Mr Smith, we’re shooting in ten. Hair and makeup are looking for you!” One of the PAs shouts over to them and he sighs a little, cursing the bad timing. Alex still hasn’t said anything, and he’s a little afraid of what her response will be.    
  
“Think about it,” he says softly, kissing her forehead gently. “We’ll talk after shooting today, alright?”   
  
She still doesn’t say anything, just nods. He stares a little, looking at her with an expression she can’t really place before the PA calls his name again and he rushes towards hair and makeup.    
  
Her mind is buzzing with everything he’s told her - Matt is leaving Who because he wants to  _ be _ with her. He wants to be closer to her, to get a place together - he wants to live with  _ her _ . At once, a hundred million reasons for her to say no and end everything pop up in her mind and she frowns, sighing a little as she reaches over for the cup of coffee that Matt left. She can’t think about this now; she still has over three pages of script to memorise and she can’t have any distracting thoughts clouding her brain.    
  
She throws herself into work for the rest of the day, determined to keep her mind off Matt and Who and  _ living together _ . She doesn’t have many scenes with Matt, and for once she’s thankful for that - she doesn’t know how long she can keep pretending to be perfectly fine when her mind is warring quite violently with her heart.    
  
She ends her day much earlier than Matt, and with so much to think about she heads home. She shoots him a quick text telling him that she won’t be waiting for him today, and to not worry about getting dinner for either of them because she’s ordered some Italian takeaway. She hopes that the text sounds normal enough that he won’t feel as though she’s avoiding him even though she most certainly is - she isn’t ready to think about getting a place with Matt. She likes how things are right now - despite the long weeks of not seeing each other, they’re in a good place. Why would he want to change that?   
  
She goes into restless sleep, and her dreams haunt her with all the things that could go wrong if she says yes to him moving to LA with her.   
  
*   
  
“Alex, please, stop avoiding me,” Matt pleads.    
  
It’s her last day on set - she’s managed to avoid discussing the topic for a week, and now she’s getting ready for her last scene with Matt. It’s very emotionally charged and she’s sure that there’ll be some tears shed during filming. She’s been trying to get herself in the right state of mind for it, but before she can do anything Matt barges into her trailer.    
  
“Darling, please, I’m trying to get ready for a scene.” She says tiredly, shutting her eyes.    
  
“You haven’t looked at me in a week, Alex.” He says, his eyes wide. She opens her eyes and looks directly at him, raising her eyebrows. “Look, if it’s what I said about moving in together - I’m sorry, okay, I was just -” he sighs and runs his hands through his hair in frustration. “I was hoping that you’d be ready for it but - but if you’re not, that’s fine - I won’t push you, Alex.”   
  
She sighs, letting her shoulders sag as she stands and moves closer to him, placing her hand on his chest and smoothing the maroon fabric gently. He looks at her through cautious eyes, his fringe blocking her view and she cups his cheek gently.   
  
“I’m just... thinking about it, darling.” She says honestly. She stands on tip toe and places a light kiss onto his lips, lingering slightly longer than necessary as he wraps an arm around her middle. “There’s a lot to think about.”   
  
“I know,” he says, his other hand coming up to rest over hers on his face. He curls his fingers around her hand, pressing his lips to her palm as he says softly, “I know you’ve got Salome and your home in LA to think about - and everything else you’ve got going on in the States. I’m not trying to take you away from any of that, sweetheart, I just - I want to be closer to you. We did say that we’d do something about all the long distance.”   
  
“Yes, but I...” she trails off, but before any of them can say anything else there’s a knock on the door and a voice calls out.   
  
“Ms Kingston, they’re beginning your scene in five minutes.”    
  
“We’ll talk about it later, alright?” She says to him softly, stepping back and pulling her hand away from him.    
  
He stares at her for a little while longer before sighing and nodding, leaving her trailer with a little defeat in his shoulders that makes her bite her lip guiltily. She shakes her head and sighs before mentally preparing herself for the filming of the scene about to take place.    
  
In the end, the lighting department takes so much time setting the scene up that the director tells them there’s only room for one take - and that they have to perform it perfectly or everyone has to stay back later. Alex tries to catch Matt’s eye but he isn’t looking at her - he’s talking to Jenna, chatting with her animatedly. It feels as though he’s the one avoiding her, and though she really can’t fault him for that she still feels a little upset.   
  
Once everything is finally ready and they’re called to position, she swallows and shuts her eyes, getting into character. She lets Jenna and Matt act it out in front of her, and when Jenna finally jumps into the Doctor’s time stream, she fixes her gaze on Matt. She says her lines, and when the moment comes, she raises her hand to slap him - and he catches her arm, right on time.    
  
Matt talks to her - only it isn’t Matt, it’s the Doctor, and it isn’t her, it’s River. The Doctor is talking to River but the way Matt’s eyes gaze so intently into hers makes her forget all about their surroundings, forget that this is scripted and rehearsed. She says her lines with all the emotion she can muster, staring up at his face as he cups her cheeks.   
  
And he kisses her. The kiss is passionate and so full of longing that she feels real tears form in her eyes, and she lets them fall as he presses his forehead into hers for just a second before he says the rest of his lines.    
  
The rest of the scene goes by in a breeze, and though she knows she would’ve liked more than one go if this was to be her last scene with Matt, by the end of the scene she feels so much emotional tension pent up inside her that she rushes off set into her trailer. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes because it’s different - she isn’t losing Matt. She’s losing the Doctor. It’s  _ different _ .   
  
So why does she feel this way?   
  
She locks the door behind her and collapses on the couch, staring at the ceiling of her little trailer. She tries to imagine - her, Matt and eventually Salome, all under one roof - a proper  _ family _ . Is she ready for that? With  _ Matt _ ?    
  
The last time she’d done this, the last time she’d moved in with a man, she’d been so sure it would be the last. And even after he’d left, she’s been dead set on it being the last time. And then Matt showed up.    
  
What if everything between them ended the way it had with her first two husbands? What if, after everything, they just weren’t right for each other? What happens then? She doesn’t think she can ever treat Matt the same way she treats her exes. The thought of giving him the cold shoulder each time she sees him, or regarding him with uncaring indifference makes her heart stutter and her stomach turn over unpleasantly, because she can’t. She can’t ever imagine hating Matt that way - she doesn’t  _ want _ to.   
  
But she knows all too well - how could she not, after everything she’s been through? She knows too well how two people can drift apart, eventually fall out of love even while living under the same roof. She knows what another failed relationship will do to her. She’s not sure she’s willing to risk it.    
  
She has no idea how long she lays there, with her hand over her forehead, thinking about Matt. She gets up only when Wardrobe knocks on her door, asking for her costume back - and then she resumes her position again, letting her mind wander.    
  
She thinks about what living with Matt would entail - would they buy a house together? A nice small apartment in London, perhaps? That would be the most ideal - London would be where all their offers come in, and with regard to their actual work, well - that one was almost always a lottery, isn’t it?    
  
A small knock on the door startles her out of her daydream and she sits up, knowing who is on the other side of the door even before Matt’s tentative voice rings out, “Love? You there?”   
  
“It’s open.” She says, pushing her curls out of her eyes.    
  
He enters her trailer, now out of the Doctor’s costume, with a certain sadness about him. There’s an almost sad, knowing smile on his face and she longs to erase the fears and worries that she knows must be plaguing him since her rushed exit but she can’t bring herself to agree - not when she isn’t absolutely sure.    
  
“Hi,” he says, taking a seat beside her. She tilts her head in greeting but doesn’t say anything more. For a moment he just plays around with his fingers, fidgeting lightly in the tense silence while waiting for her to say something, but when it becomes clear that she won’t be making the first move he sighs heavily and turns to her. “This isn’t a dealbreaker, Alex.”   
  
“What?” She asks, not fully understanding.   
  
“This. I mean - us, living together.” He sighs again and takes her hand, intertwining their fingers together. “If you say no, I won’t be mad. I won’t leave. Just - just tell me when you  _ are _ ready. Because as much as I will wait for you I also want you to know that I - I want this, so badly. I want this with  _ you _ \-  _ so _ badly.”   
  
“Why?”    
  
The question slips out of her mouth before she can stop it, and she flinches. The word sounds so needy and desperate, even to her own ears, and she can’t help but feel a little heat in her cheeks. Matt just looks surprised, his eyebrows almost disappearing over his hairline. He stares at her for a while, frowning as he examines her face, every feature and every line, and she feels so scrutinised that she leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees and letting her hair fall over her eyes.   
  
“Because,” he starts after a while, stroking his thumb over the back of her palm. “I love you. And I want to be near you, all the time. Because whenever you leave for LA, I want to be able to say ‘come home soon’ instead of ‘come back soon’. Because whenever  _ I _ leave, I want to come home to  _ you _ . I want you near me. Is that a good enough reason?”   
  
She remains silent for a while, swallowing back the emotion she feels from his words. She loves him so much,  _ too _ much - and she doesn’t know why but this fear that everything will go wrong once they take that next step clouds her heart so completely that she can’t help but shake her head. She lets go of his hand and wipes the back of her hand across her cheek where a tear falls, and she turns to face him.   
  
“I’m scared,” she says honestly, her eyes rimmed red. He takes one look at her face and he softens, licking his lips before reaching a hand out to tuck stray curls behind her ear. “Every time this happens - every time I get ready to live the rest of my life with someone it all goes wrong. It always does, and I can’t - I don’t want this to go wrong, Matt. I really don’t.”   
  
“How are you so sure it’ll go wrong when you won’t even give it a chance?” He asks softly. “If you’re not ready, I - I get it, Alex. If you need more time - if you need to be  _ certain _ that this is what you want then that’s fine. I understand that. But please, love, don’t - don’t be so afraid of failing that you don’t even try.”   
  
“I love you so much,” she whispers, leaning her head on his shoulder and wrapping her arms around his middle.    
  
“I love you too, sweetheart.” He presses a kiss to her nose, his hand reaching up to play with the ends of her curls gently.   
  
“I need just - just a little more time, darling.” She says softly, turning her face into his neck and inhaling deeply. His scent has always been able to calm her down, no matter how tense or upset she is, and this is no different. “Just a while more, I promise. Can you wait that long?”   
  
He smiles. “You should know by now, Kingston,” he clutches her body close and buries his face in her hair. “I’d wait forever for you.”   
  
*   
  
It takes her two more weeks. Two more weeks of silent hoping on his part, two more weeks of obsessively thinking on hers before she finally decides that it’s worth the risk.    
  
They’re at the wrap party for Series 7 of Who, surrounded by all their friends and colleagues, drinks in their hands and loud music and laughter filling the bar. There are people dancing all around, some throwing back shots and some with their shoes already off, stumbling around. Matt is dancing with Jenna and Richard, laughing loudly as Alex watches on, a fruity drink in her hand.   
  
Ever since she left the set of Who two weeks ago she’s been thinking about moving in with Matt. She imagines everything that could go wrong if she says yes and she hates herself for that bit - for always straying to the negative before anything else. Ever since then, whenever she finds herself thinking about living with Matt, she closes her eyes and imagines everything that could go  _ right _ \- everything that would work between them, because in all honesty, it already does.    
  
Matt is right - they’re already practically living together whenever she’s here, and there’s no reason things will change. It’ll just be more official in that sense. She feels her initial fear slowly ebbing away the more she thinks about it, replaced by a little more excitement and anticipation, because Matt wants to  _ be _ with her.    
  
She doesn’t think her fear will ever truly go away - not yet at least, but she’s willing to try. And that’s all Matt is asking for - just a chance for them to  _ try _ , to be a proper unit, for at least a while. And as she watches Matt strut his stuff on the dance floor, Jenna and Richard trying but failing to stifle their laughter, she can’t help but feel a bit of warmth bubble up in her chest.   
  
The fond smile on her face must show, because the first thing that Steven Moffat says when he comes up to her is, “No idea why I didn’t realise sooner.”   
  
She startles a little, smiling a little wider before she lifts her drink to her lips and takes a small sip.    
  
“We were very discreet,” she says, glancing at the writer. “And we plan on keeping it that way, if you don’t mind, Steven.”   
  
“Of course,” he says, nodding seriously. “Secret’s safe with me.”   
  
“Thank you.”   
  
“Matt tells me that he’s thinking of moving to LA,” he says, completely casually after a moment of silence between them. Alex rolls her eyes because she should’ve expected this sooner - Steven  _ fishing _ . Honestly, she’s surprised it hasn’t happened sooner - he’s known for almost a month about her and Matt, but she supposes that between shooting and making sure everything is going right with post-production, neither of them have had the time to chat. “Anything to do with you?”   
  
“Actually, he’s staying here,” she says. Steven raises his eyebrows in surprise.    
  
“Oh, are you two -” he pauses, looking a little awkward, and Alex laughs a little and shakes her head when she realises what he means.    
  
“No, no, I mean - he’s staying here, and so am I,” she clarifies, and Steven relaxes a little, the smile returning to his face once more.   
  
“And Salome?” He asks.   
  
“I’ll still be commuting - not as often, but still a great deal. It’s a trial session.” She says. “At least, it will be, once I’ve told him about this.”   
  
Steven shakes his head in amusement. “Good luck, Alex. Not sure why you settled for that one over there but well - to each their own, eh?”   
  
“Thank you, Steven.” She says appreciatively, just as they’re interrupted by Matt.   
  
“Kingston!” Matt shouts over the music. “Dance with us!”   
  
“Oh no, darling, you enjoy yourselves,” she shakes her head, waving her still almost full drink in the air.    
  
“Come on,” he pouts, tugging on her hand but she shakes her head firmly. He leans in closer to her and whispers, “I’ll make it up to you later. Promise.”   
  
“Oh?” She asks, intrigued. “And what do you promise, Mr Smith?”   
  
“Anything you like,” he whispers back lowly. It’s dangerous, she knows, standing barely a breath apart, lips almost brushing each other. They’re supposed to be a closely guarded secret but at times like these, surrounded by friendly people, the taste of alcohol mingling with the musk of the air, they just can’t help themselves. He’s so close she can taste his breath, and oh  _ lord _ does she want a better taste of his lips. “Anything at all.”   
  
“Mmm,” she hums, crossing one leg over the other and taking another sip out of her glass. “Now  _ that’s _ a promise I can get behind.”   
  
“If you like,” he smirks. “But we both know that you like it even more when  _ I’m _ the one behind, don’t you, Alex?”   
  
“Matthew,” she says warningly, even as her eyes darken with desire. “If I dance with you will you be able to keep your hands off me?”   
  
“I’m thinking about a  _ different _ kind of dance now,” he says smoothly, smirk widening as he plucks the glass out of her hands and sets it on the counter behind her. His eyes move appreciatively over her figure. “One that requires a bed.”

“Uh uh,” she shakes her head, raising an eyebrow. She captures her bottom lip between her teeth as she trails her fingers over the buttons on his shirt lightly. She glances up at him to see his dark eyes watching her mouth, and she licks her lips deliberately as she says, “I believe we’ve managed to do that particular dance without a bed plenty of times, darling.”  
  
“If we do not leave right now we’ll end up doing that dance right here in front of everyone,” he says lowly, one of his hands finally reaching for her waist, his hips pressing into her knee. She can feel him, hot and hard and ready for her, and she almost melts at it.  
  
“Always knew you were an exhibitionist,” she says, her palm sliding down his chest and feeling him under her warm hand.  
  
A throat clears behind Matt and they both break apart like teenagers caught making out. They turn to find Steven staring at them, looking both amused and scandalized.   
  
“You’re lucky everyone else here is too drunk to notice the both of you.” He says, sipping his drink lightly. “Please leave before you actually do start having sex here, because by the sound of that conversation it will not take long.”  
  
They say their goodbyes quickly - Matt gives Steven a small salute and Alex gives him a peck on the cheek before Matt grabs her hand and they make their way towards the exit. They pass by Jenna and Richard on the way out but they are too preoccupied with each other to even notice their surroundings, and Matt thinks it best not to interrupt them.   
  
They hail a cab and spend the ride determinedly not looking at each other - because they know that once their eyes meet there will be no stopping them. The cab driver can sense the tension but clearly mistakes it for them having a fight, because he tries to give helpful, if a little misplaced, relationship advice the entire ride. But the touch of their fingertips on the leather seat of the cab and the heat of their bodies keep the flame of desire alight and they quickly stumble out of the cab and into the hotel.  
  
The elevator door closes and Matt pounces on her, pressing her up against the wall. She moans in surprise then in pleasure as his lips claim hers and he grinds his hips into hers roughly, hands wandering around their bodies and into their hair.  
  
The elevator door chimes open and they spring apart once again, Matt taking the lead to their hotel room. She shuts the door behind them and finds herself pressed up against the door once again, Matt’s body pinning her firmly against the wood as he kisses her passionately once again.   
  
Their coupling is fast and frantic, up against the hotel room door, fuelled by lust, desire, alcohol and _promises_. She finds herself with her cheek against the peephole, crying out loudly as he drives into her again and again and again. They’re both still mostly dressed, her knickers pooling around her heels and her dress tugged over her hips while his trousers and boxers are around his knees, his shirt crumpled and sweaty as he thrusts. Her hands are against the door, nails digging into the wood and chipping the paint as she grasps for purchase.  
  
His hands massage her breasts over the fabric of her dress, groaning into her ear as she propels forward with each thrust. He moves faster and faster, his thrusts becoming harder and harder, losing his rhythm steadily until he’s just pounding into her as frantically as he can, listening to her cries. He remembers his birthday, what her secret fantasies are, and he pulls at her curls, tugging her head back roughly as their hips collide again and again and again.   
  
She screams her release, tossing her mane of curls back as she does. She pants and breathes heavily as she slumps down against the door, her grip loosening. He comes soon after, the sight of the marks her nails made is almost the hottest thing he’s ever seen and that, combined with her muscles tightening around him sets him off into the most wonderful orgasm, his hips stuttering against hers.  
  
They collapse against the door, panting heavily, until he manages enough sense to pull her up towards the bedroom of their suite.   
  
“That was,” he mumbles, pressing kisses to her neck cheeks as he leads her to the bedroom. “That was so hot, sweetheart. Let’s do that again.”  
  
She manages a throaty laugh, falling back against the mattress and looking pointedly at his spent cock.   
  
“Need some help there, darling?” She asks throatily.  
  
“You can just lay there and look sexy, Kingston, it’ll take just a few moments.” He says, and she laughs, kicking off her heels and throwing her dress over her head and off to the side. He lets out a small growl and she giggles, letting her head fall back.   
  
She watches him as he looks at her, the expression he wears a mixture of awe, lust and love, all at once. He’s the only one who’s ever looked at her so plainly that way, wearing all his emotions on his face that she feels a little bubble of love warm her chest. She lets a fond smile take over her face as she keeps her eyes on him, and before she knows it, she finds herself saying, “I want a trial session. With you.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I...” she trails off, second guessing herself before she clears her throat resolutely and says firmly, “I want to try us out first. For a while, see if it works for us. Probably during November and December, because I’ll be spending January with Salome. We don’t even have to buy a house or anything yet, we can just rent a flat or something, out in London, so it’s convenient for both of us. Is that okay?”  
  
His confusion fades away, a wide, bright smile replacing it and she laughs as he collapses on the bed and climbs on top of her, kissing her skin sweetly and delicately.   
  
“I love you,” he tells her. “So, _so_ much, Alex. Always.”  
  
“I love you too, darling.”  
  
For the rest of the night, they partake in a slower, gentler type of dancing. Neither of them have any complaints.


	4. lay all your love on me

She wakes up first for once, stretching a little before rolling over in his arms, raking her hands through his thick mop of brown hair. She presses a kiss to his chest, smiling fondly when the action doesn’t stir him even a little - she really wore him out yesterday. They’d finally completed the entire process of moving in together, just in time for their first anniversary. She snuggles deeper into his warmth, sighing contentedly as her hands move down to trace patterns onto his skin lightly.   
  
“I love you,” she whispers, pressing another soft kiss above his heart, her nose nudging the hair on his chest lightly.   
  
She feels his arms wrap around her even tighter and knows he's about to wake up. She presses another open-mouth kiss on his shoulder and his neck, her tongue darting out to lick his skin gently. He shivers a little and she continues, pressing light kisses all over his throat and nipping slightly at his pulse point.   
  
“Sweetheart?” he mumbles, his voice heavy with sleep. She smiles, tilting her head up to kiss his nose. He blinks blearily up at her, a soft grin lighting his face as his hands travel up her back and into her hair, nudging her nose with his playfully. “Happy anniversary.”   
  
“Happy anniversary,” she smiles, biting her lip softly - a full year with this man. She can’t believe they’d lasted this long; can’t believe that he’d succeeded in making her fall in love with him. She can’t wait to spend every day with him.   
  
“Any plans for today?” he asks her softly, his fingers curling around her hair and tugging gently, watching it spring back in place.   
  
“Today, no. To _ night _ , however,” she smiles coyly, pressing a soft kiss to the tip of his nose and biting her lip gently, “I’ve got plans just for you.”   
  
“I look forward to it,” he says, smiling widely at her. “So... anniversary breakfast?”   
  
She laughs. “I think you mean anniversary  _ lunch _ , darling. Look at the time.”   
  
She looks past his shoulder to the digital clock on their nightstand. It’s past one in the afternoon; well past breakfast time already.   
  
“Oh wow, I didn’t even realise we slept in so late,” he turns back to her, pressing another soft kiss to her cheek. It’s almost like he isn’t able to keep his lips off her, showering her with kisses every few moments. She wonders if he feels the same anniversary high she gets when they celebrate milestones like these - it makes her giddy with happiness, the fact that she might’ve actually found someone to spend the rest of her life with. Who knew it would be Matt?   
  
She quirks an eyebrow teasingly. “Wore you out last night, did I?”   
  
“Don’t even start, Kingston,” he says, and she lets out a chuckle.   
  
“Well, get ready for tonight then,” she leans in further, their lips only a breath apart before she says, “because I guarantee that you won’t be sleeping.”   
  
She presses the smallest, gentlest kiss on his lips, barely touching him before she pulls away and gets out of bed, laughing when he groans in frustration and collapses back among the sheets.   
  
*   
  
They spend the entire day in their new flat, eating take out and watching whatever’s on the telly, just enjoying each other's company. It's unlike any anniversary she's ever had before - her second husband had insisted on celebrating in a grand manner and her first one simply didn't bother with any type of celebrations at all. But she finds that she quite likes quiet evenings, and doesn’t mind that their anniversary just happens to be one. She certainly doesn't plan on their night being quiet for long, in any case.   
  
By the end of the night Matt is a little tipsy from all the wine they’ve been drinking all day, and she hides a little smirk as she tells him that she needs to freshen up and get ready. His eyes darken in anticipation but she doesn't let anything slip, just walks out of the living room and into their bedroom with a sly smile on her lips.   
  
Matt waits on the couch, trying to be patient but he can’t help but cast glances at the closed bedroom door every few moments. Ten minutes later he’s positively giddy with excitement and he can't help himself. He walks into the bedroom and sees Alex seated on the bed, dressed and apparently waiting for him.   
  
After that, he can’t tell if he blacked out from the sight of her or if he’s just too bloody hard to function - because Alex is on the bed, wearing an extremely short, extremely tight black leather dress with a plunging neckline and fuck if it isn't the sexiest thing he's ever seen in his life.   
  
“I told you to wait outside, Matthew,” she speaks softly, low and throaty and she  _ knows _ that she has his attention because he can’t seem to look anywhere else but at her.   
  
He doesn’t say anything, too stunned by the sight of her to be able to form an appropriate response. His mouth dries and his eyes widens and his jeans are so, so tight and he can’t seem to think, let alone speak.   
  
“You didn’t listen to me,” she speaks again, keeping her voice low and commanding and fucking  _ sexy _ and he thinks that if she says another word in that butterscotch voice of hers he might come in his pants and ruin the night. “Only bad boys don’t listen. And bad boys deserve to be punished, don’t they?”   
  
He doesn’t come but he groans, still unable to speak. She smirks and steps into the light - and he sees her in all her beautiful, sexy glory, and  _ god _ he is the luckiest man on Earth.   
  
Her lips are painted a deep red and her curls tumble over her shoulder naturally. That short, tight, leather dress looks even more sinful in the light, and it sticks to her like a second skin, highlighting all her gorgeous curves and muscles. The dress ends mid-thigh and he sees nothing but golden legs for miles, ending in sky high stilettos that he  _ knows _ would look amazing wrapped around his back.   
  
“Answer me, Matthew,” she says, stepping closer to him and pressing her torso into his. She isn’t wearing a bra underneath that leather dress, he knows, because he can feel her hard nipples against the thin fabric of his shirt, and he swallows painfully and looks down at her. “Do you want to be punished?”   
  
“Ye-yes,” he answers, a little high-pitched and breathless because  _ fuck, _ she is the sexiest thing he’s ever seen. And he can’t get over how lucky he is to be hers.   
  
“And what do you call me?” she asks, testing him.   
  
“My Queen.” he answers immediately.   
  
“Good boy. That deserves a small kiss, don’t you think?” She says, fingertips trailing lazily up his chest and over his shoulders, winding her arms around his neck.   
  
“Yes, my Queen, please,” he answers obediently, eyes fixed on her ample red lips.   
  
She smirks, a devious little smile lighting up her face as she leans in and brushes her lips against his, oh so softly. It’s not enough for him and she knows it, smiling a little wider as she pulls away and he follows, drunk on her.   
  
“Please,” he says again, and he knows that at this point he'll be begging for her the entire night. “Please, my Queen, more.”   
  
“Not yet,” she whispers. A hand reaches for his face, her thumb stroking his cheek and over his bottom lip before she pulls away and turns, walking over to their special drawer - the one with all their  _ toys _ , and he feels another jolt of excitement rush through him. “You still need to be punished.”   
  
He whimpers and it’s the most delicious sound she’s ever heard. He watches her bend over to open the drawer and he sees her, bare flesh exposed to him and oh  _ god _ he doesn’t think he’s ever been this hard his entire life. This is pure, exquisite torture, and if he doesn’t get his fingers or tongue or cock inside of her in the next few minutes he thinks he might actually weep.   
  
He stares at the dark spot between her legs, already coated with a wetness he knows too well. He wants that in his mouth, smeared all over his face and he finds that he doesn’t care if his cock doesn’t get the relief it needs tonight - making her come again and again the entire night with just his tongue would be satisfying enough.   
  
She straightens up again, holding something in her hand now. She turns and he hears the sound of metal against metal - and his eyes widen because she’s holding a pair of handcuffs, the silver metal shining in the dim light. She twirls them around her finger, smiling widely at his expression before she cocks an eyebrow and tilts her head.   
  
“Kneel,” she commands, and he drops to his knees immediately, looking up at her with such awe in his eyes that she feels all the more confident, all the more powerful. She takes slow, deliberate steps towards him, circling behind him and going down on her knees, too. “Hands behind your back.”   
  
He obeys, letting her tug at his wrists roughly. He hears the click of the handcuffs around his wrists and he sucks in a breath.   
  
“You’re not allowed to touch,” she speaks in his ear, her breath hitting his skin and causing goosebumps to erupt all over. “We both know how you love to touch, don’t you?”   
  
“I love to touch  _ you _ , my Queen,” he says hoarsely, and she stands, going around him and standing right in front of him. He’s eye level with her hips now and he can smell her - the scent lingering in the air around him, making his mouth water and his cock harder.   
  
“And I love you touching me, slave,” she whispers, her hand reaching down to comb his floppy fringe out of his eyes. “I love the feeling of your fingers moving in and out of me, reaching so deep and hitting that spot again and again and again. But do you know what I love more?”   
  
She tugs at his hair roughly, pulling his head up so his eyes meet hers, and she gives him a small smirk. “Your tongue inside me,” she whispers, sliding her hand down his cheek. “And you love it, don’t you? You love the taste of me all over your tongue.”   
  
“Yes,” he breathes, and he can’t fucking think because he’s at the mercy of Alex fucking Kingston and so help him God if he doesn’t get his mouth on her cunt he won’t fucking make it. “Yes,  _ yes _ , please, my Queen, I need - ”   
  
“You’re not allowed to come,” she says, her voice getting colder and harder as her hand makes its way back to his hair. “You’re not allowed to stop until I say so. Is that understood, slave?”   
  
“Yes,” he says again, so reverently that her eyes soften for a moment. She tugs the tight leather skirt over her hips and spreads her legs just slightly, and he licks his lips at the sight of her, bare and wet and so delicious. He wants to devour her but she hasn’t given him permission yet, and he’s too afraid that she’ll deprive him of a taste of her if he just dives in.   
  
“Good.” She pauses and looks down at him. He’s looking up at her, waiting patiently for her to give him permission, and she smiles because he’s learning.   
  
She gives a slight nod of her head and he doesn’t wait any longer than that. He presses his face to her centre, his tongue darting out to taste her wetness and - oh  _ yes _ \- she tastes divine. He licks at her gently, his tongue moving up and down the length of her folds. He’s determined to worship her, to not let one drop of her goodness go to waste.   
  
He loves it when she takes control - and judging by the wetness coating her core, she loves it just as much. But oh, she’s just so sexy when she goes all controlling that he can’t help it, he wants all of her. He wants to touch her but the handcuffs are in the way - and if the look in her eye when she put them on is anything to go by, they aren’t coming off any time soon. He’ll just have to get used to not touching her.   
  
He licks and sucks at her folds, the little moans and whimpers she releases like a drug to him. He can't get enough of her - of how she tastes and how she sounds, of how she commands him in the bedroom, like she knows just how much of him is hers - all of him. He's all hers.   
  
He sucks her clit into his mouth and she lets out a little scream, her hips jerking and pressing more of her cunt into his face. Her hands tear at his hair and it makes his eyes water but he loves it, loves knowing that he can give her this pleasure.   
  
His tongue enters her cunt and she lets out a string of curses, breathless and panting. He opens his eyes and sees the perfection that is Alex, her head thrown back and her mouth open to let out more moans and pants as she grinds her hips into his mouth. Her grip on his head is painful, her nails digging into his scalp and causing a stinging sensation as she tries to keep his mouth where it is on her core. His tongue moves in and out of her, his nose nudges at her clit with each movement he makes and soon she's coming loud and fast and hard, his name on her lips like a prayer.   
  
The flood of liquid in his mouth makes him groan appreciatively and he laps it all up hungrily. She doesn’t release the tight hold she has on his head but he doesn’t mind as she grinds her core into his face and smears her wetness all over.   
  
He continues licking until she’s clean all over, and even then, her muscles are still clenching from her strong release. He pulls away, panting breathlessly as he waits for her to catch her breath, licking his lips with a little cocky grin on his face.   
  
The leather of her dress is sticking to her skin even more, if that's possible, and he can see the sheen of sweat on her cleavage. She looks straight out of his wildest fantasies, his most vivid wet dreams, that he can’t help the love he feels in his chest grow. He rests his forehead on her hip and presses a tender kiss to her core, still panting slightly.   
  
“Slave,” she addresses him, and he lifts his head to look up at her. She isn’t panting anymore, her breath caught, and she quirks an eyebrow at him. “Who said you could stop?”   
  
His mouth is already open when she presses his face into her core once again.   
  
*   
  
She comes four times before she decides that it’s enough. By then he’s so hard it hurts to move, and the only salvation has been tasting her and making her come in his mouth again and again. Now she’s making him watch her undress - and fucking hell he's going to come all over his pants, he’s sure of it, because he hasn’t ever been this bloody hard for this bloody long.   
  
The zipper of her dress starts at the plunging neckline - the deep V of her dress. She tugs it down slowly, torturously slowly, revealing her skin just inch - by - inch until it hangs off her like a jacket. She turns, her back to him, and peels the leather off her skin so very slowly. His eyes roam her figure, not quite sure where to look because all of her looks just - bloody fucking amazing. Her pert arse and her small waist and her amazing back - oh he’s spent hours worshipping her skin and he can remember every single crevice. Every part of Alex Kingston is burned into his memory and will never leave.   
  
She turns again and - yes, he definitely prefers the front. As much as he loves the sight of her arse, he could stare at her full breasts and her toned stomach and the little curls in between her legs for hours and hours and hours - he has done since his teenage years, stared at pictures of her during his more private moments.   
  
And that face - oh her face. Her eyes, and her lips and her nose - he loves every part of her, but her face is definitely his favourite. So expressive and so, so beautiful, built unlike anyone else he’s ever seen, and so uniquely Alex that he just can’t help it.   
  
The leather dress is on the ground as she walks forward, circling him again and unlocking the cuffs.   
  
“On the bed ,” she says. “Undress yourself. Quickly, don’t make me wait.”   
  
He tears the clothing off his body. Despite the ache in his wrists and shoulders he can’t help the arousal that floods his body, and his hard cock is praying for release inside her. He wants to be inside her so badly and if that means obeying her every command then he doesn't mind at all.   
  
He lays down on the bed, fully naked and his cock hard as a rock. She admires him like one would admire a painting at a museum and he almost shouts in frustration because she's already had her release four times and he hasn’t.   
  
When she puts her leg on the bed and crawls towards him he almost cries in relief, because he desperately needs to feel her body close to his.   
  
“I am going to ride your cock,” she says throatily, her eyes glancing down at his hips. She licks her lips and throws one leg over his hips, her hand going down to grasp his length tightly. She holds him at her entrance, the tip of him brushing her folds lightly and he has to physically stop himself from thrusting and burying himself to the hilt but everything is just so  _ wonderfully _ painful that he can’t handle it anymore.   
  
“Please,” he begs, watching as she swipes the tip of him across her cunt. “Please fuck me, please, I need to come in- ”   
  
“But you’re being punished,” she says innocently, her hips moving against him now as she holds his cock steady. “Do you deserve to come?”   
  
He almost screams in frustration, his head hitting the pillow as he begs, “Please, my Queen, I’ll do anything, just let me come inside you, let me fuck you, please - ”   
  
“Poor Matty,” she whispers, patting his cheek lightly. She lets the tip of his cock enter her before she lifts her hips again, and she leans over him to grasp the handcuffs she’d placed on the nightstand. “Hands.”   
  
He raises his arms over his head obediently and she cuffs them to the headboard, ensuring that he won’t be able to escape the restraints.   
  
She moves over him quickly, dropping herself down on his cock in one smooth movement and she groans. The pleasure is almost blinding for him - finally he’s inside her tight, wet, clenching heat and he can’t help but try to move his hips under her.   
  
But she lifts her hips again and his cock is released to the cool, night air. He groans in frustration.   
  
“You’re going to beg for permission to come inside me,” she tells him, sliding up and down over his cock. “And when I’ve decided that you’ve earned it, only then can you come. Understood?”   
  
“Yes,” he breathes, as she rides him so fucking slowly he thinks he might explode. “Yes, my Queen, please, please let me come - let me fuck you until you’re sore tomorrow - ”   
  
He continues in that vein, mindless words of pleasure and worship and just plain begging spilling from his lips as she works over him. She braces her hands on his stomach as she rides him slowly, her breaths coming in deeply. He can tell that she’s holding herself back too, drawing it out for both of them. It's taking a toll on her - her hair is all messy around her head like a halo and she whimpers each time she drops herself down on his cock, groaning in frustration each time she lifts herself completely from him.   
  
He has no idea how long he begs and pleads, he only knows that he doesn’t stop - he mutters and mumbles and even when she took a turn and started fucking herself on him hard and fast he screams words of worship, and when she finally,  _ finally _ drops herself completely on him and mutters, “Come,” does he release himself inside her, like a man under a spell.   
  
And  _ oh _ , it’s the best orgasm he’s ever had in his life. It’s almost painful, the intense pleasure that envelops him and makes him scream incoherently into the air. She comes almost immediately after, and he’s left with the feeling of her clenching muscles around him as he thanks God for giving him the miracle that is Alex Kingston.   
  
She collapses, spent, on his chest after her orgasm crashes over her and he presses soft kisses to her hair.   
  
“I love you so bloody much, Kingston,” he tells her.

  
She lifts her head. “I love you too, Matthew,” she says, a satisfied smile on her face. “But I hope you’re not tired yet. Otherwise I bought that whipped cream and chocolate sauce for nothing.”   
  
“Fucking hell,” he swears, his head hitting the pillow again. “I’m going to spend the rest of my life fucking you, sweetheart.”   
  
“Oh, I hope so.” She smirks. She lifts herself over him and looks at his length, no longer hard. “But first, I’m going to lick you.” She turns to him and tilts her head, asking innocently, “Which do you think will taste better on your cock? Whipped cream or chocolate sauce?”   
  
He feels his cock twitch again. “How about both?”   
  
She smiles. “That’s what I thought.”

*****

“Oh my God, honey! Come take a look at this,” Alex calls from the living room, her voice slightly muffled from her laughter.   
  
He’s washing the plates from their dinner, a regular routine for them now - he can’t cook and she doesn’t really like cleaning, so it’s the perfect compromise for both of them. He dries his hands on a towel and walks out, finding Alex sitting cross-legged on the couch with her tablet on her lap, glasses perched on her nose. He flops down beside her and takes a peek at the screen, and he lets out a squeak because -    
  
“Why are you looking at sex games?” he asks, his voice a little high-pitched as he looks at the risqué cover of a deck of cards, and Alex watches him in amusement as he starts to squirm.    
  
“Down boy,” she says throatily, and laughs at the look on his face. She clicks on the cover and another tab opens up, showing sample cards from the game. “Nicola’s birthday is just around the corner, and I thought it’d be nice to help her with her non-existent sex life.”   
  
“Isn’t Nicola married?”    
  
“Yes,” Alex says, but she tilts her head to the side and smirks as she continues, “but just last week when we were on the phone together she complained that her sex life was getting more boring by the orgasm.”    
  
“I’m not completely sure I want to know about this,” Matt says to her.    
  
“Good, because that’s all you’re getting. So anyway, I decided to look up some things to help her with.” She looks up at him and bats her eyelashes. “Wanna take a look with me?”    
  
“Alright,” he says, shrugging. He doesn’t really have anything to lose - if anything, he’s hoping that by the time they’re done with this they’ll be too preoccupied to think about a birthday present for Nicola. “Fire away.”   
  
“Oooh, this one looks  _ good _ ,” she says, clicking on a few sample cards and reading them out loud. “Dirty Mouth - during your next sex session put either yours or his/her underwear in your mouth. Leave it there until he/she says so or one of you finishes. Mmm, certainly something for us to try some time,” her eyes move over him and he smirks, shaking his head.    
  
“Sexy Workout,” he reads another one out, tilting his head and squinting his eyes. “Look up a 20 minute cardio or yoga workout and do it completely naked in front of your partner.” He raises his eyebrows at her, his pupils widening almost comically as she lets out a raspy laugh. “I wouldn’t mind watching you stretch naked in front of me, Kingston.”   
  
“All you have to do is ask, darling,” she chuckles, giving him a small smile before she reads another card out: “Ultimate Bondage. Oooh, sounds promising already.” She gives him a naughty look. “Your partner ties your hands and legs so you cannot move, and covers your eyes and ears. For the next 40 minutes, your partner uses you as he/she pleases.” She leans forward and whispers seductively in his ear, “I wouldn’t mind being all tied up for you, honey.”   
  
“All you have to do is ask, sweetheart,” he whispers back, leaning in closer to her and nudging her nose with his, pressing a small kiss to her lips. He’s about to plant another, firmer kiss to her lips before he catches sight of another one of the cards and cringes in disgust, his eyes widening. “Golden Showers - let your partner pee on -”   
  
“ _ God _ , no,” Alex says instantly, scrunching her nose in disgust as she closes the tab. “Honestly, I’m open to many things but that is one kink I will never be able to wrap my head around.”   
  
“Thank God you have good taste, Kingston,” he says, taking the tablet from her and clicking on another game. “Right, let’s try this one - Choose Your Fetish. When a player picks up the card, they choose from two scenarios and perform one on their partner. Sounds decent enough.”   
  
“Mmm,” she agrees, leaning in closer to him. He throws an arm around her shoulder as she leans over to read one of the sample cards. “Oh, judged too soon.”    
  
“Why? What does it say?” he asks as she zooms in one of the sample cards and gives it to him to read. “Wha - that’s even  _ worse _ than ‘Golden Showers’ and I didn’t think that was possible.”    
  
“Surely this isn’t a real thing?” she asks, bewildered. “God, are these people animals? I’ve lived for half a century and still would not ever try something like that.”   
  
“Oh I don’t know, I distinctly remember you asking me to eat my shit one particular time - ” she cuts him off with a whack of a cushion to his chest.   
  
“You were being stupid! It’s a thing people say when they’re angry, not something meant for  _ sex _ .” she points out, though she can’t help the smile that spreads across her face as he rubs his chest, a wounded look on his face. She lets out a mock pout, pressing a kiss to his chest. “Aww, did I hurt you?”    
  
“Yes, you did. Now you’re obligated to kiss it better, Kingston.” He puffs his chest, waiting for her to kiss him again. She shakes her head in amusement before she leans in, her face close to his until they’re only a breath apart.   
  
“I’ll kiss it better later,” she promises. “If you help me search for a present for Nicola, I’ll kiss more than just your chest. How’s that sound, darling?”   
  
“No time to lose,” he says immediately, adopting a face of absolute concentration as he scrolls through some more games. She lets out a bubble of laughter that warms his heart and a sudden desire to hear that laugh again and again for the rest of his life grips him, so strong and so absolute that he pauses for a moment and just stares at her.   
  
She’s still laughing, her head thrown back and her glasses slightly askew on her nose but it’s as if everything is happening in slow motion because he  _ never wants to leave. _ And although this certainly isn’t the first time he’s thinking about any of this, it is the first time that he wants it to happen, so desperately wants her to be his as much as he is hers, that he feels everything else slowly slip and melt away into the background: and in the centre of it all is Alex, her laughter ringing in his ears as a single golden thought penetrates the haze and starts echoing, louder and louder and louder.   
  
_ I want to marry her. _   
  
“Matt. Darling, are you okay?” He zooms back into focus and sees her, looking at him with such concern and worry, her eyes wide as she strokes his face and pushes hair out of his eyes. “What happened there? You looked like you zoned out or something.”   
  
“I’m okay.” He smiles brightly at her, pressing a sound kiss to her lips and wrapping his arms around her, pulling her close. “More than okay.”   
  
She accepts his answer with only a little suspicion, frowning and checking if he’s developed a fever, but when he just smiles and says he’s happy to be with her, she shakes her head and lets out a laugh.   
  
“You’re a sap, Matthew,” she tells him.    
  
“Thank you,” he says, as if he’s receiving the most amazing compliment, making her laugh again.    
  
They spend the rest of the evening looking through more games, going from card games to board games, looking through every website as thoroughly as they can while selecting several things to choose from. Some are downright dirty, with detailed descriptions of positions and what the players should do to each other. Some are more romantic, suitable for date nights when the players are in a more gentle and tender mood. Some are designed to build up the tension with tantalizing ideas for foreplay and it isn’t long before they lose focus on who they're shopping for and start shopping for themselves instead.   
  
All the while, the thought sits in his head, Alex only able to distract him from it a few times before it resurfaces in the forefront of his mind. He needs to start planning, he knows - he needs a time and a place and a ring, and all the special things Alex deserves. He wants to romance her as much as possible, wants her to feel safe and secure and loved enough to agree to marry him.   
  
Though he knows the possibility that Alex might reject him is quite high, he can’t help the giddiness and excitement that comes with the thought of spending the rest of his life with Alex Kingston. He wants to make sure that she knows how much he loves her, that nothing between them will change even if her answer is no. He’s spent quite a lot of time with her already and he doesn’t plan to change that even if she doesn’t want to marry him. He just wants her to know that he  _ does _ want to marry her, more than anything else, and the desire to just stop everything and ask her is almost too strong, but he manages to quash it down enough. He wants to make the first (and hopefully the last) time that he proposes to her a special thing, one that she’ll remember for the rest of her life.   
  
In the end, they bookmark a number of games for them to order in the morning, and as she sets aside the tablet and turns dark eyes on him, climbing languidly onto his lap and placing a hot, open-mouthed kiss to his lips, he knows that it’ll be quite some time before they fall asleep tonight. He grins as her tongue strokes his own, his hands finding her hair and pulling on it gently to tilt her head back and kiss her more thoroughly.   
  
He can't wait to propose to her.   
  
*    
  
It’s almost a full month later before he gets everything he needs to propose to her. It’s right on time, too - Alex is leaving for New York to debut a new production of Macbeth, and he’s due in New Orleans to begin shooting for Terminator Genisys. He has a few Who cons in between shooting too - and with his schedule so packed it’s unlikely that he’ll get to see Alex in her play. Thankfully though, once she’s done her run she’ll be able to join him in New Orleans.   
  
Still, it’ll be almost two and a half months that they’re apart from each other. The longest separation they’ve had since they first got together, and he knows it’s going to be hard as hell for both of them. It was difficult enough when he hadn’t been able to give her her fiftieth birthday present in person - and they’d only been together for four and a half months then. Now, when she leaves, they’ll have been together for almost a year and a half and (hopefully) engaged.    
  
When she leaves for New York, he wants her to wear a ring on her finger.   
  
“Okay, where are we going?” she asks, stepping out of the bedroom in a flowery dress with her hair tied back. She slips comfortable heels on her feet, picks up one of her blue furry handbags that she loves so much, and turns to look at him expectantly, her eyes bright and her smile wide.   
  
“It’s a surprise,” he says secretively, coming up to her and tapping her nose gently. “I’ve got a whole day of surprises planned for you, Kingston. Prepare to be wooed!”   
  
“Ooh, what’s the occasion?”   
  
“In a week, you’ll be leaving for the Big Apple while I’m stuck here, all alone,” he pouts for good measure and he’s rewarded with a tinkling of laughter escaping her lips. “This is our last weekend together before we’re separated for two and a half months - honestly, I don’t know if I’ll be able to survive without you.”   
  
“Oh hush, you’ll be too busy thinking about work to be able to think about me,” she says. He makes a noise that suggests that he disagrees very strongly with her and she softens a little, dropping the teasing lilt to her voice as she says quietly, “I don’t know how I’m going to survive two and a half months without you, either.” She lets her voice drop to a whisper as she wraps her arms around his neck, pressing a small kiss to his lips. “I love you so much, Matt.”    
  
“I love you too,” he bends his head down and presses his forehead against hers, whispering, “Always.”   
  
She smiles the same way she does every time he says those three words to her, like she can’t quite believe they’re coming out of his mouth - like she can’t believe it’s  _ true _ . He wants so much to convince her that those words will never be for anyone else when he says it. Those words will only ever be for her, no matter what happens, because he can’t imagine loving anyone else as much as he loves her.   
  
“Right,” he pulls away first, taking her hand and grasping it tightly, placing a small kiss onto the back of her palm before letting it go - they will be in public after all, and she’s still very iffy on showing public displays of affection when majority of the population think they’re no more than very close flirty friends. “After you, then.”   
  
He takes her for lunch in the restaurant where they had their first date, where he spends most of the time completely distracted by her again. It seems like nothing has changed since the first time they were there - she’s still so effortlessly beautiful, and he's still almost toppling over glasses of wine as he stares at her. She giggles and laughs at his jokes and flirty innuendos fly out of her mouth, and it feels exactly the same as it had the first time, only now he's more in love with her than he thought was possible.   
  
Halfway through their meal, she leans over with a twinkle in her eye and whispers so only he can hear her, “So, should I drop the fork now or would you like to finish your meal first?”    
  
He almost chokes on his steak and she laughs loudly, covering her mouth as he gulps down his wine and stares at her with wide eyes. “Alex!” he hisses, mock-glaring at her. “You can’t say things like that!”    
  
“Why not, darling?” She picks up her wine glass and makes a show of examining the table. “The table cloths are certainly long enough to hide any...  _ suspicious _ activities occurring under the table.”   
  
She smirks and takes a sip of her wine, leaning back in her chair as he shakes his head in amusement.  _ God _ , he loves her. No one else can make him laugh quite like her, press his buttons as easily as she does, make him excited with just a glance - no one else can ever make him feel as she does.   
  
She doesn’t stop her teasing, lining everything she says with double entendres that make him choke on his wine and tug at his collar. He tries to keep up with her but he knows by now that he’s only half as good at making her blush as she is at making him red, so he just plays it off and continues eating as calmly as he can with images of Alex doing unspeakable things to him under the table filling his head.   
  
Once they're done with their meal he drives her to the beach where they had their fifth date - the night they first made love to each other. When she realises where they’re going she shakes her head, a fond smile lighting up her face.   
  
“You really are a sentimental one, aren’t you?” she says, looking out at the beach.   
  
The sun is high in the sky and he watches as the sunlight illuminates her face, her eyes even brighter than usual. She turns to him and reaches for his hand, her fingers curling around his gently, and he knows she’s savouring their moment of privacy before they have to go out again, before they have to pretend that they aren’t anything more than friends. He squeezes her hand in his and gives her a small smile before he lets go of her fingers reluctantly.    
  
They take a walk down the beach, careful to maintain a small distance between them. It isn’t exactly a private beach, after all, and he’s sure that some of the people are already whipping out their cameras to capture pictures of them together - but they aren’t doing anything at all, so he doesn’t worry much.   
  
They spend the entire time laughing, occasionally stopping to dip their toes into the seawater and relish the cold water that’s a contrast to the hot air. He almost forgets that he isn’t allowed to kiss her or touch her in any way that might give away their current relationship status, and when she ducks out of his grasp and fixes him with a warning look he just offers her a guilty smile in apology.   
  
For the rest of the day, he takes her out to places where they’ve shared special moments in their relationship. She seems to have caught on that he has something planned for her but he doesn’t give in to her charms, and she gives up when they go for dinner at the place that they went to when he asked her about moving in together. Instead, she tries even harder to make him blush, talking in a rasp she knows makes it hard for him to think, and she does it with such relish that he really can’t be mad at her.   
  
After dinner, he takes her to Tesco, where they buy two tubs of their favourite ice cream at his insistence, because they’re going to be watching  _ Alien _ to end their date night and he doesn’t want her to be scared. Her only response is to laugh and tell him that she doesn’t get scared when watching with him.   
  
They end up cuddled on the floor in front of the TV, blankets and pillows surrounding them, each holding their own ice cream tub with a metal spoon in their hands. They’ve long since stopped paying attention to the movie playing on the screen, deciding that sharing jokes and stories would be a more entertaining way to spend their evening.   
  
“Don’t tell Kaz it was me - she still has no clue,” he laughs, after relaying a particular prank story where he’d taken Karen’s milk every time she bought a new carton, and Alex shakes her head.   
  
“She was so confused, the poor thing! Thought that every time she got drunk she’d drink the entire carton of milk and forget the next morning - you’re horrible, Matthew,” she chastises, dipping her spoon in her cookie dough-flavoured ice cream.   
  
“You love me,” he says, waving his spoon in the air idly. He’s almost too conscious of the square-shaped box in his pocket, sitting patiently, waiting to be opened. He’s just itching to get it out and open it right now in front of her, and ask her to spend the rest of her life with him. But it isn’t the right time yet. He’s planned everything carefully, and he’ll be damned if he ruins even one single thing because he can’t control himself.   
  
“Yeah, I do,” she says, tilting her head. “Did I ever tell you when I realised? That I love you, I mean,” his eyes light up curiously and he shakes his head. She clears her throat and continues, “I was on my way to yoga class, and I heard something on the radio that reminded me of you - some song I knew you’d like, and my very first thought was about you.”   
  
She chuckles a little, her head tilting, “It doesn’t sound like anything special, but I was - well, I don’t just unconsciously think about people I don’t feel strongly about. I felt like I really needed to talk to you, just to tell you about something I heard on the radio. That’s when I knew that I really, really loved you. ”    
  
“Kingston, you didn’t tell me you were a sap too,” he says, eyes wide, and she hits him with a pillow as her cheeks redden and she lets out a small laugh. He scoots over closer to her and pulls the blankets around his lap. “I was already half in love with you even before we started going out, so it didn’t take me quite that long to realise,” he admits, looking at her sincerely. “That first separation we had - when you left for three weeks, and I had to shop for a birthday present for you - I spent two weeks trying to find something that you’d like, but I couldn’t decide on anything. So I bought everything,” he says, and she raises her eyebrows, frowning a little. “And then I thought that it’d scare you off, because we were only together for four months then, so I gave you the lingerie and kept everything else.”   
  
“Wait, so - what happened to the other gifts? ”   
  
“They’re all yours,” he says, smiling a little. “Every gift I bought in those two weeks I’ve already given you - gave you the last one when we moved in together, on our anniversary. So anyway - went a little off track there - when I went shopping for your gifts, and I couldn’t decide which one to get because I wanted you to have  _ everything _ \- that’s when I knew.”   
  
There’s tears in her eyes, and she wipes at them quickly, shaking her head. All the gifts she’s received from him - it really hadn’t been a small amount, and she wonders how he managed to survive when he spent so much on jewelry, knick-knacks and accessories for her in just those two weeks. The fact that he just wanted to give her everything warms her heart and she feels love bubble up in her chest, so much love that it threatens to spill out of her ribcage.   
  
“You out-sapped me,” she says, her voice cracking a little. He laughs as he sets down the ice cream, taking her hands in his and tugging her closer.   
  
“I love you so much,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to the side of her face. “Always.”    
  
“I love you too, honey. Always,” she whispers back, smiling tenderly up at him. She wraps her arms around him and pulls him in closer, resting her head in the crook of his neck.   
  
They stay in that position for a few moments, holding each other as tightly as they can. Their tender moment is interrupted by a call from the computer - it’s Salome, and Matt smiles as he readies himself.   
  
Alex goes to pick up the call, a smile on her face as her daughter’s face appears on the screen.    
  
“Hello, mausi,” she greets softly.    
  
“Mom! Hi, I’ve missed - are you crying?” Salome asks, worry lining her tone as she frowns at her mother.    
  
“It’s nothing, honey, don’t worry about it,” she smiles a little. “It’s happy tears.”   
  
“What? Matty! I thought you were waiting for - ” Matt’s eyes widen and he shakes his head frantically, and Salome seems to get the message because her eyes dart down to her mother’s still bare left ring finger.   
  
“Waiting for what?” Alex asks suspiciously, looking from Matt to Salome.   
  
“Nothing,” Matt and Salome say in unison.   
  
“I don’t believe either of you, but I’m letting it go for now,” she tells them, as she takes a seat in front of the computer. “How was your day?”    
  
“Before we get into that,” Salome says, a little smile lighting up her face. “I think Matty has something to ask you.”   
  
Her daughter nods at the man and Alex frowns, turning to the side. She sees Matt down on one knee, staring up at her with such love in his eyes she starts to tear up again, and she stares at the ring he’s holding in his hand.    
  
“Alex,” he starts softly, his heart pounding in his chest as he swallows nervously and tries to calm himself down. He looks up at her, the soft light around them making her look almost angelic as she stares down at him with a teary-eyed smile. He hasn’t prepared a speech but he doesn’t need to, because as he watches her look at him like she can’t quite believe what’s happening, he knows exactly what to say. “You are my entire world,” he tells her, reaching one hand up to grasp hers tightly, letting their intertwined hands rest on her lap. “And I promise, no matter what happens tonight, that I’ll love you with everything I have.” He smiles a little and tilts his head to the side. “Because I already do. I want to marry you. I want to - to give you everything I have. I love you so much, sweetheart.” He grasps her hand even tighter. “Will you please make me the happiest and luckiest man to ever walk this Earth, and let me be your husband?”   
  
She takes a moment, the tears burning her eyes and blurring her vision and she grasps his hand so tightly she’s sure his fingers will have to be bandaged. She’s sure that her silence is starting to worry both Matt and Salome but every time she opens her mouth to speak she feels choked, unable to force out a sound. In the end, she resorts to swallowing down her answer and nodding frantically as her tears finally escape her eyes, and she sees Matt beam at her so widely that for a few moments all she can see is him, with her, and their future together - as husband and wife.    
  
“Oh, thank God - I was getting a little worried there,” he jokes, but she can see the moisture in his eyes as he stands up and pulls her to her feet as well. “I love you.”   
  
“I love you too,” she whispers, before pulling him down for a proper kiss. She keeps it short and chaste, still aware that her daughter is watching them from a computer screen, and as she pulls away he stares at her with so much love in his eyes she feels fit to burst.   
  
“Matty, don’t forget the ring!” Salome reminds them.    
  
“Right! Right - er,” he takes the ring out of the box and holds out his hand for her. He’d spent most of the past month searching for the appropriate ring - one for just Alex, one that is as unique and shines just as brightly as she does. As he gazes at her, he whispers, “I’m so glad I have you, Alex.”   
  
She shakes her head, still unable to say anything. His hands shake as he slips the ring on her left hand, and he almost drops the ring twice before he manages to get it on her finger. Once he does, he smiles at the sight - Alex wearing a ring - his ring - he doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of seeing her be his.   
  
“I love you,” she says quietly. “The ring is beautiful.”   
  
“Just like you,” he says, leaning in to press a soft kiss to her cheek. “My beautiful fiancée.” He lets out a little giddy laugh and presses a firm kiss to her lips, unable to keep the laughter contained inside him as he kisses her.   
  
“Okay I can’t help myself anymore,” says Salome, and as they break apart from the kiss she lets out a loud squeal, clapping her hands excitedly. “You’re getting married! Gosh, I’m so happy for you guys!”   
  
“Thanks for your help, poppet,” he says, as Alex takes a seat in front of the computer again. “Never could’ve done it without you.”    
  
“No problem, Matty.” The smile on her daughter’s face is so wide and Alex feels her heart throb with all the love she has for her two favourite people in the world, the two people she loves most. “And I’ve recorded everything on my computer screen - I’ll email it to you before I go to sleep?”   
  
“Godsend, you are,” says Matt, and Salome bows.    
  
“So you knew he was going to propose to me today?” Alex asks, intending to sound a little accusatory but the effect is lost because her heart is still brimming with happiness and joy and love and she can’t stop smiling.    
  
“He called to ask me for permission, Mom! Isn’t that sweet?” Salome gushes, and Alex looks to Matt, whose face is tomato red. “And then he asked me for ideas because he wanted to propose quickly, but he still wanted it to be romantic, and he wanted me to be there while he proposed but clearly I can’t because of  _ school _ ,” she crinkles her nose in disgust the exact same way Alex does and Matt smiles even wider. “So I figured this was the next best option.”   
  
Alex spends two hours chatting with Salome, with Matt interjecting sporadically, but otherwise remaining quiet. He knows that this really is Alex’s and Salome’s only mother-daughter time and that he’s just a guest. He half-listens to their conversation, but really his focus is on Alex - his fiancee - and as he puts his arm around her shoulder and takes a hold of her left hand, admiring the ring on it, he sees Alex glance at him in the corner of his eye.    
  
“Okay mom, I’ve got to prepare some school stuff for tomorrow so - ” Salome begins, but Alex frowns.   
  
“Isn’t it Saturday tomorrow?” Alex asks. Salome pauses, her eyes wide, and Alex can clearly see the cogs racing in her daughter’s brain.    
  
“It... is, but I’ve got to go back for... some... stuff,” Salome ends lamely, but she can see that Alex isn’t buying it, so she yawns, a little louder and wider than usual, and continues, “And I’m really tired anyway, so goodnight!”   
  
“Salome,” Matt says hurriedly, “if you’re trying to leave us alone because you think we don’t want you here - ”   
  
“No, I know you guys do,” she raises her eyebrows and says, “but I also know that you want to celebrate your engagement.”   
  
“We can celebrate it later, poppet, your mother doesn’t get much time with you,” Matt says.   
  
Salome turns to her mother and offers her a bright smile. “I know, but it isn’t every day you get engaged to the love of your life. We’ll talk tomorrow, Mom. Same time. Is that okay?”    
  
Alex pauses, looking between Matt and Salome. Finally, she sighs and says, “Alright, tomorrow. But we are extending mother-daughter time young lady, do you understand?”   
  
Salome grins. “Yes, Mom.”    
  
They say their goodbyes and Alex turns off the computer, sighing a little. Matt brings her hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to the back of her palm.   
  
“You look sad, sweetheart,” he whispers.   
  
Alex shakes her head. “I’m not sad. I’m so,  _ so _ happy, Matthew. Really. But I -”    
  
“I know you miss her,” he says softly. “That’s okay, I miss her too.”   
  
She leans forward a little, pressing her head into his shoulder. He intertwines their fingers and presses a kiss to her curls.   
  
“I love you so much,” she says, her voice muffled into his shirt. “You make me so happy, Matt.”    
  
“I love you too,” he says, his nose nudging her head, pulling away from her slightly so he can see her face. He presses his forehead into hers and closes his eyes, breathing in deeply. “And tonight, I’ll show you just how much I love you.”    
  
He captures her lips in a passionate kiss and spends the rest of the night making love to her.


	5. love me or leave me - make your choice

It was an honest mistake.  
  
When he arrives in New York, after almost two months of separation, he’s desperate to see her again. So he comes up with a plan - see Macbeth, surprise her backstage, ravish her in her dressing room - it’s a very simple, straightforward plan that just could not go wrong.  
  
He spoke too soon.  
  
Because after two months of not seeing his fiancee, he isn’t ready to handle just how beautiful she looks on stage - and he _certainly_ isn’t ready to handle Sir Kenneth Branagh touching Alex in all the way he’s only dreamt about for the past few weeks. In his excitement to see Alex again, he forgets that no one else knows that they’re together - which results in quite disastrous consequences, really.  
  
He first sees her signing autographs for a group of excited fans. He forgets that he too, is considered a star and as he calls out her name, his voice lost in the loud chatter, he sees a couple of heads turning towards him, a couple of jaws dropping, and he knows instantly there’s no escaping the fans that will approach him.  
  
It takes him an hour to get through the crowd, signing autographs and taking pictures and answering questions about what he's doing here (“Seeing the magnificent Kingston in her play, of course!”) and by the time he’s done all that, Alex is already back in her dressing room. It takes another ten minutes for security to let him pass through and by then he’s just antsy, wanting to spend as much time as possible with Alex before he has to leave in three days.  
  
He finds Alex’s dressing room soon enough, and he pauses at the door, hearing her hum a little tune as she changes out of the costume. He gets an idea and takes out his phone, leaning on the wall next to her door. He dials her number and waits for her to pick up, pressing the phone to his ear.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“And how are you today, Miss Kingston?” he asks, smiling a little at the sound of her voice, so close to him.  
  
“Matt! Oh honey, I’ve missed you so much,” she says.  
  
“I’ve missed you too, sweetheart. Now,” he puts on a serious voice, “I’ve just heard the reviews for your show and - do you have something to tell me?”  
  
“No, not really. What did you hear?”   
  
“Heard that you were getting a little _comfortable_ on stage with Sir Ken, hmm?”  
  
“Oh darling!” she laughs, and he can hear it so clearly through the door that he feels like he just wants to wrench it open and snog her senseless in her dressing room. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous!”  
  
“No, I’m not, I’m just -” He pauses, and he can hear her rolling her eyes. “Okay, maybe a little.”  
  
“Well, I assure you, my dear _fiancé_ -” she laughs a little, “-you have nothing to worry about.”  
  
“Don’t I? That’s good to know,” he says. “Alex, love, could you get the door for me? I delivered a gift for you and it should be arriving in about a minute.” There’s a pause on the other end of the line as she sighs, and he hears her footsteps approaching the door. He stands right in front of it, waiting.  
  
“Matt, you really shouldn’t have gotten me anything, I’ll drown in all your -” She cuts herself off with a gasp as she swings open the door and sees him. He grins and opens his arms wide.  
  
“Surprise!” he says, and she grins so brightly and launches himself at him.  
  
“I’ve missed you, darling,” she whispers against his neck as he wraps his arms around her and buries his face in her hair.  
  
“Oh, I’ve missed you too, Kingston,” he whispers, holding on to her tightly.  
  
She pulls away and he surges forward, crashing his lips onto hers. She gasps into his mouth but he pays no attention, sliding his tongue past her lips as his hands bury themselves in her hair. She relaxes against him, sliding her arms around his neck and pulling her closer, kissing him with as much passion and fervour as he’s kissing her.  
  
There’s silence, and then a flash, and as they break apart he closes his eyes and leans his forehead against hers, smiling guiltily. He takes a chance, glancing over his shoulder discreetly. He sees people staring at them, frozen in shock, their mouths and eyes wide open; one person is holding their phone upright, clearly taking a picture; a few are smirking knowingly. He turns back to Alex.  
  
“I’m sorry,” he whispers against her lips. “I couldn’t help myself.”  
  
“It’s been over a year darling, and we’re engaged,” she whispers back, smiling reassuringly, letting him know that he’s forgiven. She leans up and gives him a small peck on the lips. “It’s time, don’t you think? ”  
  
“Do you want to?” he asks softly, running his hands down her back. “Are _you_ okay with this?”  
  
“Yes, of course,” she says. “I love you, and I want people to know that I do. Are you okay with this?”  
  
“Are you kidding me?” he says, laughing slightly. “I can finally tell the entire world that I’m yours and you’re mine. I can finally let everyone know that you’re going to be my _wife_.”  
  
She laughs softly, shaking her head. “We should... probably turn around and face the music now.”  
  
“Or...” he trails off, and Alex’s eyes widens.   
  
“Matthew, whatever you’re thinking of...”  
  
“Sweetheart, I haven’t seen you in _weeks_ ,” he says, pouting a little. “I don’t want to spend the entire night entertaining press when all I want to do is go back to the hotel and _ravish_ you.”  
  
He widens his eyes a little, smiling charmingly at her - the smile he wears when he wants something so so badly. Alex’s heart melts a little and her pulse quickens because they haven’t made love in weeks and she misses him so much that she knows she won’t be able to make it through a few more hours without having him. She looks down for a moment, her bottom lip catching in between her teeth before she looks up again.   
  
“Do you have a plan?” she asks finally.   
  
He holds out his hand. “Run with me, Kingston.”   
  
*   
  
The next day, Matt awakes to the shrill sound of his phone ringing beside him, and when he looks next to him and sees that her side of the bed is made, he frowns. He ignores the call - it’s no doubt his publicist or one of those journalists hoping to get an exclusive interview - and he wraps one of the bedsheets around his waist and wanders outside the bedroom. Alex isn’t anywhere to be found, however, and his frown deepens as his worry heightens because after all the trouble they caused yesterday, surely it would be better if they laid low for a while. At least, until Alex had to get back to the theatre for her show.  
  
“Alex?” he called. “Alex, sweetheart, where are you?”  
  
“I’m out here, darling.”   
  
Her voice is floating from the balcony of their hotel suite. He follows the voice and finds her sitting on the floor of the balcony, leaning against one of the sliding doors. Her tablet is on her lap and she has a glass of red wine placed beside her.  
  
“Why are you out here?” He asks softly, sitting down beside her and ignoring the chill of the morning air.  
  
“I woke up an hour ago. My publicist called me.” She finally looks up at him and he sees red-rimmed eyes still filled with tears, and he sighs a little, wrapping an arm around her. “She wanted to know what the bloody hell I was doing with you.” She pauses to sniff a little and wipe a tear away from her cheek, snuggling into his side further. “And I told her - well, I had to tell her everything.”  
  
“What did she say?”   
  
“She didn’t. She hung up on me,” she sniffs and places the tablet on his lap. “And then I got an email from her. She sent me that.”  
  
He cautiously slides the tablet closer to him, frowning down at it. It’s an online article on the _Daily Mail_ website. He sees numerous pictures of them kissing outside her dressing room, followed by them fleeing the theatre and hailing a cab.  
  
“That’s a good picture of us,” he says, in an attempt to lighten the mood, but Alex merely shakes her head.   
  
“Read the article, Matthew.”   
  
He looks down at the tablet again, unsure whether he really wants to know what vile words the press has written about them. Anything that made Alex tear up had to be something extremely vicious and cruel, and he isn’t sure that he’s prepared to read the article and still keep his sense. He isn't sure he’s prepared to know their opinions of them, because if they made Alex cry then he would do everything in his power to rip the ones responsible into shreds.  
  
He readies himself, and his eyes skim over the portion of the article, letting phrases jump out at him: _unusual coupling, given their age differences; how long have they kept this affair a secret?; one might go to the trouble asking whether Smith knew exactly who he had his sights set upon; an up-and-coming star with a multiple divorcee; can this really, truly be true love?; enraged fans insist that Smith could do better, and it certainly seems that way._   
  
He shakes his head and closes the tab.   
  
“There are dozens more just like that one,” she whispers softly, burying her nose in his chest. Tears are still trailing down her cheek and she wipes at them quickly. He doesn’t miss the way she looks at her engagement ring as she says, even more quietly, “I’m sorry.”  
  
“Why are you sorry?” he asks bewilderedly, looking down at her. “You’re not the one who wrote those articles.”   
  
“Because...” she trails off and sighs, looking away. “Because they’re right. You really _can_ do better, and there’s no reason why you should be with me when there are a million other women out there who are - who are prettier and better and _younger_ \- and why should you stay with me when you can have _them_?”   
  
“I love you, Alex, you know this,” he says, curling his arms tighter around her shoulders.   
  
“But do you know what it means to - to be married to me?” she asks, looking up at him. Her nose is red and stuffy and she looks incredibly pale - the coldness of the air probably isn’t helping either but she isn’t shivering, and as she wipes more tears that are cried silently she meets his eyes with a kind of determination he hasn’t seen since he started pursuing her. “I regret not talking about this at the start but - Matthew, I can’t - I can’t give you _children_. You won’t ever be a father if you’re married to me - we can’t have a family together. And you’ll - you’ll live your life, wondering what it is to be a parent and _I can’t give you that_. ”  
  
“I know, Alex.” he says heavily. “But that doesn’t - I’ve never wanted kids, Alex, and even if that changes in the future - there are other options, other things we can look into if we want.” He smiles softly, cupping her cold face in his hands and stroking his thumb over her cheeks. “I love you so much. If you and Salome are the only family I’ll ever have then I’ll still be the luckiest man that has ever lived.”  
  
“Matt,” she sighs, shaking her head, “there’re so many other things - so much I can’t give you -”   
  
“But you _can_ give me so much more,” he whispers. “You can give me your days and your nights, your laugh and your smile and - and your _love_. You can make me your husband. That’s the greatest gift you can ever give me - letting me be _yours_ , because I don’t want anyone else, Alex.”  
  
But she shakes her head again.   
  
“Read the rest, Matthew,” she says sadly, standing up. “I’m going to work. We can talk again when I come back.”   
  
He refuses to read another word of those articles, and he stubbornly switches the tablet off. Alex is in the shower so he checks his phone. Sure enough, there are dozens of missed calls and text messages from various people requesting interviews and offering congratulatory words. He works through them one by one, and in the end he has back-to-back interviews scheduled the entire day.  
  
Alex doesn’t say anything as she gets ready for work, and he doesn’t feel the need to let her know of his plans so he doesn’t speak either. He can feel her casting sad glances at him every once in a while, and it feels all too much like she thinks this is the last time they’ll ever be in the same room together - he doesn’t like that feeling. So when she turns back at the door to say goodbye, he stands up and envelopes her in a warm hug, pressing two soft kisses to her lips.  
  
“Have a good day, love,” he whispers. “I love you so much.”  
  
“I love you too,” she whispers, but it doesn’t sound like how she usually says it - with so much joy she can fill the room with light. She says it with sadness, a certain heaviness that sits like a weight on his heart. She lingers a little, pressing her lips to his once again, and before he can say or do anything else, she twirls out of his arms and shuts the door behind her.  
  
It feels like a goodbye, but he's determined not to let it become one.  
  
He spends an hour crafting a statement - something standard to say when the interviewers inevitably asks about his relationship with Alex - but their relationship is anything but standard, so instead he finds himself throwing away useless drafts into the trash, filling the bin to the brim. He’ll speak from his heart. Alex has a funny way of doing that to him.  
  
So he goes to the interviews, all day for almost nine hours, and each time the interviewer asks the same question, albeit phrased differently: “So what then, is your relationship with Ms Kingston, exactly?”  
  
He answers the best he can - one interviewer makes him recall every last detail of their relationship, how it evolved from a friendship to one of love, how he managed to score a date with _the_ Alex Kingston, how he proposed and how it felt to be the one to put a ring on her finger; even if it isn’t her first time, it is _his_ , and he’s very happy with who he’s chosen.  
  
He returns to the hotel room positively exhausted from all the work he’s been doing. He undresses quickly and digs up enough energy to have a quick shower before he collapses onto the bed and falls asleep, hoping that Alex will come back quickly.  
  
He wakes up to the feel of Alex’s lips against his, passionately kissing him awake. He’s still sleepy and confused, and when he opens his eyes and sees Alex seated on the bed with her legs hanging off the edge, still dressed in the clothes she’d left for work on that day, he smiles a little tiredly.  
  
“You’re a fucking sap, Matthew,” she whispers, leaning down to cover her lips with his again.   
  
“You saw the -”  
  
“Yes, I did. I saw every single one of them, you wonderful man,” she says softly, and he sits up to wrap an arm around her middle and hug her close.  
  
“Now do you believe me?” he asks, pressing kisses to her collarbone. “I can’t possibly be happier than when I’m with you, Alex. I love you.”   
  
She turns around in his arms and straddles him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Tell me what you told them,” she breathes, reaching beneath his shirt to scrape her nails against his chest.   
  
“You are the love of my life,” he whispers, his hands slipping to the hem of his shirt to lift it over his head. He pushes her sideways and lays her gently down on the bed, climbing over her. He brushes her curls out of her eyes and kisses her softly as he undresses her. “You are the most amazing person I’ll ever know and every single day I spend with you,” he pulls back to pull down his boxers as she removes her knickers. “Every passing day that I have you by my side will be the happiest day of my life.”  
  
They gasp softly as he slides gently into her, and he presses his forehead against hers, looking deep into her eyes as he starts moving above her. “I can’t do any better than you, Alex. Being with you can’t be a mistake because I’ve made so many of them in my life and you - you make me so damn happy, sweetheart.”  
  
“I love you,” she whispers, shutting her eyes as she feels him move inside her slowly, gently. “So, so much, Matthew.”  
  
“I love you too,” he tells her.  
  
*  
  
White flowers litter the stone pathway to the altar - Alex had insisted on a small garden wedding, and Matt had been powerless to argue when the thought of her surrounded by warmth and sunlight and nature in a white dress looked so inviting in his mind. Birds chirp in the trees as friends and family gather together, chatting merrily - a day full of happiness and joy.  
  
This was it. The day they’d finally get married.  
  
She smiles brightly at him, his gaze fixed only at her as she walks down the aisle. The most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, will ever see - right now, in front of him. She’s never been this sure, this positive, that he’s the right man for her. She can’t wait to be married to him.   
  
He radiates love and affection and devotion, and as he says his vows, looking deep into her eyes, she knows he means every word. Every promise. He’s the one man she trusts would never break her heart.   
  
So when she says, ‘I do’ it’s without a doubt in her mind that she couldn’t be happier with anyone else.  
  
***  
  
 _TWO YEARS LATER_   
  
  
She looks around their shared home in LA, tears building in her eyes. Her phone rings but she ignores the call - Nicola would do anything to ensure that she didn’t go through with it. But she _has_ to. And she _will_.  
  
She licks her dry lips as she examines the furniture they picked out together, the pictures on the mantel, memories playing on a loop in her mind - how she longs for those days to come back. They couldn’t have been happier together - it seemed that she hadn’t even needed a reason to smile when he was around. It just felt natural, and she felt _loved_.  
  
She swallows thickly, tears finally escaping her eyes as her gaze lands on the middle picture - their wedding day. She’d been so incredibly happy, her smile lighting her face like she’d never known true happiness until she took his name. He was smiling too, gazing at her like she was his entire world, like there wouldn’t ever be anyone else - and maybe then, it was true. Certainly not anymore.  
  
Her fingers curl around the frame, tears falling onto the glass. She knows she has to leave soon, or she’ll miss the flight. And if she misses the flight and he comes home, there’s no way she’d ever find the strength to leave again. So she slips the picture out of the frame carefully and folds it, tucking it into her purse - this way, she can remember that this was _real_. Their love hadn’t been one-sided in the beginning.  
  
They’ve reached the end, now.  
  
Her heart clenches even though she’d known - for a very long time now, that they were slowly ending, the life of their love breathing slower and slower and slower until it finally stopped. Stopped when she decided to leave. Stopped when she wrote the letter.  
  
Stopped when he stopped loving her.  
  
She tells herself that it doesn’t matter that he’d fallen out of love with her - what mattered was that he’d been in love with her at all, that their relationship wasn’t born out of nothing, that it hadn’t _meant_ nothing, that she could remember entire nights where he showed his devotion towards her. That had meant _everything_ , just like he did.  
  
Just like he still does.  
  
Her hands shake as she pulls a letter from her purse and places it on the mantel, under the empty picture frame where their wedding photo used to sit. Three years of marriage - all boiled down to this. But she can’t do this anymore. She can’t stay and wait for him to leave.  
  
She lets out a shaky breath, thanking the heavens above that Salome had decided to spend the summer with her father. She doesn't want to think about what her daughter would say if she knew what her mother was doing. She knows that Salome loves Matt very, very much - and she'd do anything to prevent the inevitable.  
  
She bends down, gripping her suitcase tightly in one hand and hesitates one last time, looking at the letter. It isn't enough, she knows, but she can't help it - every time she tries to talk to him, she chickens out at the last minute. She can't say it to his face.  
  
She can’t hear him say, in that low voice that she loves so very, very much, that he doesn't love her anymore.  
  
With one last look around, the memories coming back all at once - looking at the house for the first time, buying it, christening every available surface as they furnished the rooms, laughing and crying together - the tears blur her vision. Her heart aches at the very thought of leaving him - and now she's actually going to do it.  
  
A taxi honks from out in the street. The door slam shuts behind her.  
  
Her wedding ring sits on top of her letter.


End file.
